Do you remember when Kobe Bryant cheated on his wife with some 19 year old girl? He was accused of rape, was later found innocent, but was definitely guilty of adultery. Obviously, his wife, and mother of their 6 year old daughter was furious. In order to apologize, Kobe's grand gesture was a 4 million dollar diamond ring. The wife ended up staying with Kobe Bryant.
However, there is a lot more to grand gestures than meets the eye.
I believe in a given year, men and women are both looking for their love interest to accrue 100 points. But, men and women keep score 100% differently than each other.
Women will tally gestures 1 point at a time.
Men will tally gestures anywhere from 1 -20 points at a time.
Thus, when Kobe gave his wife a 4M dollar diamond he only earned 1 point. But, when his wife stayed with him after such a horrible event, I bet she earned 20 points. She had just proved to her man she is not going anywhere and she was going to fight for their family. I am sure this must have meant a lot to Kobe.
Now, how to apply this to your life?
LADIES - Find out what is truly important to your men. If possible find out how you can help him on that matter.
For example, it is really important that I eat healthy throughout the week. I told this to my GF and she came over on a Sunday to help me cook healthy meals for the entire week. (She earned 7 Points for that!)
MEN - What should you do? Little gestures often and consistently. Never Give up.
Your lady wants to know that you care about her. Whether it be a nice text message, little note on her pillow, flowers, chocolates, or after she has a bad interview, words of encouragement. If you really want to be effective, I would suggest learning what your woman's love languages are. Once you know how she wants to be loved you can make sure your gestures are meaningful to her.
Your love life is a catch 22. You want to date a man who is silky smooth in conversation, knows exactly when and how to touch you, and just oozes confidence. But you also want a man that isn't just looking for sex and is willing to commit to you and just you. Does this man actually exist?
The answer is yes, but he is hard to find. If you do find him, what are some signs that he is actually looking for love?
1. When you ask what he is looking for? He says "I want love and to share my life with someone special." - Believe it or not, most men do NOT lie when asked a straight forward question.
2. Talk of Future Plans Together
3. Introductions to Friends and Family
4. Scheduling Dates in Advance
5. Texting Daily
6. Phone Calls
7. Willing to Speak Everyday
8. Actively Setting Up Dates, no texting once per week to setup a booty call
If he wants you and only you, he is going to put in some effort. If he doesn't put in effort try asking the following: "You are an amazing man and I love spending time with you. You would make me the happiest woman in the world if you did ......."
If you try the phrase above and he doesn't deliver, it might be time to look for a new man.
Is Valentine's Day a "Hallmark Holiday" or an opportunity to show your significant other how much she means to you? After asking countless men, both answers were given about equally. But, there was a few points that men agreed on in droves.
Here are those points:
1. If I do nothing on Valentine's Day I am in the doghouse
2. I don't like feeling forced to do something for my gf/wife, I would like to do it at random when I WANT TO DO IT!
Ladies - The men have spoken. This is how they feel.
What should you do to alleviate your man's stress?
Early Relationship - Tell him, "No matter what we do on valentine's day, as long as we are together I will be happy" - Take the pressure off of him. Set the bar of making you happy so low that he feels like he can't fail. Once the pressure is off, he will feel stress free and then have the freedom to plan something special if he wants to.
IMPORTANT - Talk to your significant other about your expectations for valentine's day. If you hate the holiday, tell him. Also review my article on love languages to ensure you and your significant other understand precisely how you like to be loved. Whether you prefer gifts, acts of service, words of appreciation, quality time, or touching.
What if you are single?
Let's get you a man. Setup your 15 minute phone call with me now. Here is a link to my calendar, book an appointment and let's work together so that in 2017 and every year there after you have a Valentine!
Who am I?
Mike Goldstein is a dating coach who helps clients through one-on-one coaching and currently has 6 clients married with 7 children between them. He has been featured on the Today Show, NJ.com, Patti Knows of Millionaire Matchmaker, and Shape Magazine. 83% of Mike's clients enter relationships during coaching and he currently has 100% client satisfaction.