In a previous post I discuss the massive need on how to make a man feel needed even when you don't need him. Well guess what, months later and this topic is still extremely important.
Men are going to gravitate towards you when you make them feel needed and appreciated after they satisfy your need.
Instead of trying to explain this I am just going to show you:
1. Instead of opening your own bottle of wine say, "Bob, will you use your big strong arms and open this wine bottle for me?" (Yes I am sure you have been opening wine all your life and yes, there is a good chance you are better than Bob at this. But if you don't make him feel needed, he won't want to be around you.)
Now, he opens the bottle of wine and pours you a glass.
"Thank you so much," you say with jubilation. Bob feels great about himself. Nice Job!
Or, you could open the bottle and pour the wine yourself. Bob, feels either nothing, or a tiny bit emasculated. Better to look to your feminine side and ask Bob for help. He will get the testosterone boost by solving your problem, and you will get the oxytocin boost by being thought about, cared about, and provided for.
You may think this whole thing is silly and a waste of time. But trust me, if something is this easy and can make a man so happy why wouldn't you do it?
2. What if you told him, "Bob I need to tell you about a problem I am having at work. I just want you to listen for ten minutes and I DON'T want you to solve the problem. If you are willing to listen I will feel so much better."
What your guy hears?
"All I need to do is listen, no thinking, no solving, and after 10 minutes she is going to feel better and thank me? Sign me up! This sounds easy."
If you don't tell your guy an end time, an end result, he is going to feel like he is NOT helping you in your conversation. He will feel like he is not needed because he is not helping you. A man not needed will eventually become disheartened and look for someone that does need him.
What did we learn?
Ask for help, receive it, and appreciate your guy for it. When this happens you get taken care of, made to feel special, he feels needed and appreciated. Boom! Happy and healthy relationship.
There are few things in life that are more annoying to the relationship-oriented girl than a guy who isn’t texting her! As a Matchmaker, Dating & Relationship Coach, as well as a relationship-oriented female myself, I am both professionally and personally acquainted with how widespread and frustrating this behavior-or lack thereof-really is. Whether the guy who is guilty as charged is your boyfriend, the guy you’ve been casually dating, or the guy you hooked up with last night at the bar, you may find yourself feeling disappointed, depressed, angry, or anywhere in between. While everyone’s circumstances are unique, and there is no-one-size-fits-all approach that is guaranteed to get any guy chasing after you, here are the strategies that will be most successful.
Ignore The Guy
Its ironic that my friend and colleague, EZ Dating Coach, Mike Goldstein, just asked me to write about this topic, because I recently had the unpleasant experience of this happening to me! A guy (who I have quite some history with) was supposed to text me later on one day, and he never did. My solution? I ignored it, went on with my day, and responded to his text the next day by calling him on FaceTime— at a time when I knew I looked extra fabulous! I'll show him. While I’d like to think it was my good looks and charm that hooked my guy back in, I know it was really the way my ignoring his ignoring me re-captured his interest.
Because I fought the urge to hit him with a lengthy text or voice message calling him out on his bullshit, he was left wondering why I didn’t contact him! Did I notice? Did I care? What was I doing? Who was I with?** And then he wanted me. Of course, men always want what they have to chase! That is why ignoring a guy-though seemingly counter-intuitive- works like magic. By the way, after my “text offender” reached out to me and we chatted a bit, I, then, casually brought up his lack of texting. You didn’t think I was really going to let him get away with that, did you?
Ignoring the guy is definitely my favorite approach. Its really the only way we ladies can see if he is interested enough to pursue us. Since I believe that men-real men and not immature man- boys-will go after the woman they truly want, I like to sit back and let the man do the work—especially in the early stages of the relationship or at whatever stage the relationship could benefit from giving him the thrill of the chase. When you really like and/or have unbelievable chemistry with the guy, this is easier said than done. Obviously. You'll want to reach out to him and make things right!
If you need help fighting that strong desire to text him, you can either text a friend or draft a text that you’ll never actually send him. Sometimes just expressing your emotion is all you really need to find the calm in the midst of your relational chaos. Any type of healthy distraction can work too.
Text (Or Call) The Guy
I know. I know. Ignoring a guy may seem too 1950s housewife for some women. Yes, its 2016, and if that guy you’re into steps texting you, it is certainly appropriate for you to pick up the phone and call him. Note: If you are a millennial who is scared of the phone or are thinking that calling your guy might cause a heart attack, you can text him. Just know that if you send him a “crazy” novel-like text message, he will screenshot it and send to his friends. (Yes, guys do that too!) The point is: It’s fine, really. If he really likes you, it isn’t going to turn him off—providing you remain somewhat calm when interacting with him.
Before you contact him, think about the worst possible outcome. What if you pour your heart out via text and he doesn’t respond until forty-eight hours later? Or worse, what if he never responds? What if you call him, call him out, and he gets frustrated and hangs up on you? What if he shuts down and doesn’t talk to you for a week? Ever again? If you can handle the consequences-which may be you feeling rejected, since men usually get in touch when they want to-by all means, contact him.
Whether you ignore him or initiate contact, you will eventually find out the truth about why he stopped texting you. If you want to know where you stand sooner rather than later, calling or texting him will work for you.
And if you want to find a guy who would never stop texting you…….
Well, you could do that too!
For more about me and how I could help you find and keep him, check out my website at www.RachelRusso.com
Notes From Your EZ Dating Coach, Mike Goldstein:
I think Rachel had 2 points that are worth repeating
1. If you must text, understand what all the outcomes are so you are prepared
2. Do Nothing, the guy will reach out to you if he is interested
Men and women handle stress extremely differently.
Scientists have proven that men can only use one side of their brain at a time. Thus, if men work a long day, or do anything for consecutive hours, their brain/body requires rest. If men shut off one side of their brain and use the other side they will alleviate stress allowing their brain to rest and get back to "normal".
Thus, sometimes men are not texting because they are shutting things down for a little bit to reset the engine. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you, love you, or want you in his life. It may just mean he had a rough day and needs to watch SportsCenter to turn off his brain and do nothing.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, women have 10 times more transmitters between the left and right side of the brain than men do. Thus, women are constantly using both sides of their brain. When they have a stressful day, typically their best approach to regain normalcy is by talking through their stress with someone willing to actively listen.
Bottom Line: If the guy likes you, he will reach out when he is ready. If he creeps into his man cave, let him stay there and when he is ready to come out he will come find you.
Want more information on this topic, watch this video where I walk you through what to do when he stops texting you.
Finally, do you want my best FREE TRAINING?