It is natural for you to feel a bit of uncertainty when it comes to your relationship. Maybe you've been hurt before or maybe it just doesn't feel like a fairytale romance that is portrayed in the movies. Whatever the reason, before long, these doubts leave you asking yourself, "How do I know that he's the right guy for me?"
You start to worry that if you are having doubts, that must mean that he isn't the one. If he is your soul mate, shouldn't you just know? Shouldn't everything be perfect?
In response to these thoughts and fears, we can have a number of different reactions. These reactions are completely normal and very common but they will often cause more issues in the relationship. Women might rush into a commitment to help rid themselves of all of the uncertainty. Rushing into a commitment before you're ready can lead to disaster. It might feel instinctual to hold tightly onto something so you won't lose it but this can often have the opposite effect.
Men, on the other hand, tend to pull away in response to these feelings. When women see men pulling away for them, they often times will panic or blame themselves. This can lead to them beating themselves up and obsessing over all of the details. Often worried that they did something wrong, they will reach out to the man to try to figure out what happened. These insecurities can be read as neediness by the man, and BANG! ...They pull away even more.
We all have insecurities in many areas of our lives and relationships are no exception! It is important to try to worry less and trust more. DON'T PANIC! Trust your heart.
Another important thing to remember is that life isn't a movie. You aren't going to run into his arms in slow motion. There isn't going to be a montage of perfect little moments. He isn't going to speak to you in poetry that makes your heart soar. The only thing that is guaranteed in love is that it isn't going to be perfect. But that's what love is... Sometimes, it's saying and doing the wrong thing and sometimes it's messy. Love is perfectly imperfect and the right one for you will be there with you through it all.
Maybe you'll have an aha moment or maybe it will be a collection of moments that show you what you need to know. When you look to the future, you can't picture it without him. That's how you know your guys is the right guy for you.
Want to learn more about this topic? Watch this video for great insights from John Gray, author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus":
Wondering if you would be a good fit for coaching with me? Book A complimentary 15 minute strategy session with me HERE and find out. Let's get you a high quality man that will be yours forever.
We are dealing with an epidemic in today's world. The epidemic is effecting both men and women. The epidemic has positive aspects but also has some negative aspects. Let's talk about this epidemic. The epidemic is that women have entered the work force and they are kicking butt. This is great because, smart women helping companies, means more profit and better products. But this is bad because women are often asked to act like men while at work. This process can be exhausting. Women come home and they are tired and sometimes have a difficult time of transitioning back into their normal state of acting like a female.
So what happens when a woman acts like a man? The woman is fiercely independent, does everything herself, but lacks receiving support. When a woman doesn't receive support, she doesn't feel whole.
What happens to men when women are super independent. They no longer feel needed. Let's dive into this. Back in the day, men used to hunt, slay dragons, and other manly things that involved protecting their women. Now, men don't get to slay dragons and thus need to find new ways to protect. One hundred years ago, men were typically the only income provider and thus felt satisfaction in bringing home the bacon. However, now women are also working and they no longer get to feel needed in regards to providing financial security.
So what does all this mean?
1. Gender lines are being blurred at home and at work and both sexes are confused
2. Women are exhausted
3. Men don't feel as useful as they used to
How do we fix these problems?
Before we solve the problem. Let's define the three types of confident woman. Best described in this video:
Three Types of Confident Women:
1. I Can't Do Anything Woman - Lacks Confidence
2. I Can Do Everything Woman or Anything He Can Do, I Can Do Better - Remember the Mia Hamm vs. Michael Jordan commercials? This woman is super woman and literally can and will do everything. This could be the single mom, this could be the single woman with the big career, fancy car and house, and amazing family.
3. I Can Do Everything But I Ask For Help Too - This woman is enlightened, smart, and truly gets it. This woman realizes we have an epidemic. She realizes that when she does everything herself she will be exhausted. But, instead when she asks a man for help, she gets two birds with one stone. She gets her man to feel needed and she alleviates her own stress of having to do everything. She feels supported.
So back to how do we fix the epidemic?
Simple. Women need to get comfortable asking for help. They need to ask for help, not because they need it, but because men need it and quite frankly wouldn't it be awesome to have your guy help you with things?
Let's talk examples so you can start executing immediately.
Let's say you go grab a coffee with your guy but you forgot to get sugar. I can do everything woman would just go get herself. But, I ask for help too woman would say, "would you mind getting me two packs of sugar."
Guy feels needed and says, "sure."
He comes back and you say, "Thank you so much, you are so great at taking care of me."
GUY FEELS LIKE A MILLION BUCKS AND ACTUALLY SUCCESSFUL AT BEING A
BOYFRIEND. (Man's largest insecurity is always being a crappy boyfriend)
If you are consistently telling him he is doing a good job that is the equivalent of him telling you, "wow you look amazing in those jeans."
To recap, if you really want to take strength and confidence to the next level, it is not doing everything yourself. It is getting your man to do things for you even though you are more than capable of doing it yourself.