Have you ever said "I Love You" to your new significant other and in return heard crickets? If you have, you know this might be one of the worst feelings. It leaves you insecure, worried, and also puts a lot of pressure/strain on the relationship.
If you are feeling love for your partner should you blurt it out immediately?
Unlike almost every other blog post, I am NOT going to give you a definitive answer. I am simply going to tell you what happens in both instances and let you decide which scenario works better for you.
First, let's discuss saying "I Love You" as soon as you are feeling it.
Positives:
1. No secrets, open lines of communication (Very Healthy Trait to have in a relationship)
2. YOU feel stress relieved by getting it off your chest (I bolded YOU because sometimes speaking is purely for the benefit of the person speaking, not the listener)
3. Saying "I Love You" is one of the best compliments you can give a person
Negatives:
1. The person does not feel the same way
2. When you say "I love you", you don't want to say it once. You want to shout it from the rooftops. If he/she doesn't say it back, you must likely are not going to be saying it again for awhile.
3. If the person is not ready to say it back and doesn't, for the next few weeks/months there could be immense pressure to say it or end the relationship.
I know many men/including myself that have had a woman say "I Love You" first have seen strain put on the relationship. The lack of the term of endearment being reciprocated caused conversations like "Where is this relationship headed and so forth" (Although a great conversation to have, imagine what you will feel when he says, "I want to get married one day but I am not there yet". Coupled with not saying "I love you", the average person would feel pretty insecure in the relationship and it could bubble over to questioning the stability of the partnership. Do YOU want to add this pressure?
Second, lets visit holding "I Love You" in to wait for your partner to catch up.
Positives:
1. No pain, insecurity from potentially not hearing the words back
2. Zero Risk
3. Keeping the relationship light and airy so the guy can eventually on his own terms get to feelings of love and more importantly wanting to spend the rest of his life with you. (Note: It is not easy to find love, but based on the divorce right and the amount of monogamous relationships that end it is clearly way harder to find and make a life partnership work)
Negatives:
1. Suppressing your feelings
2. Maybe he loves you too and his scared to say it too (stalemate)
3. If you are dying to tell someone how you feel, it is really hard to keep it a secret.
4. If you love him and he doesn't love you back, it may end a relationship that was never going to work anyway
Alright ladies and gentleman, that is the breakdown of telling your significant other, "I Love You" first. I hope you can weigh the pros and cons and make a decision that is right for you. I know after re-reading my pros and cons I am certainly leaning towards one direction being the correct approach.
Which approach do you think is better?
I am a dating coach located in greater Manhattan. Some of my successful female clients make 300K plus. Simple demographic data shows that most men make less than 300K. Does that mean because my clients are successful they should be limiting their dating pool to men who make 300K or more?
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
My clients didn't become successful to have less options. However, some men will be insecure to women that are more financially successful. When they meet this man, he is probably not the right guy for them.
The right guy will appreciate their success and look up to their work ethic and intelligence. They should not be afraid to toss a side the guy who can't accept who they are. Removing the guy will allow them to be available to someone who will treasure them "as is".
Relationships are hard work. It is molding two lives into one amazing life together. Being single and not dating can be fun and refreshing because the only accountability you have is to yourself. Thus, if you are single and debating whether or not to get back into the serious dating world.
Maybe you should do the following 5 things first:
1. Helicopter Tour of Landmarks - One of the best skylines in the world, this is a no brainer.
2. Metropolitan Museum of Art (The Met) - This place is huge. If you are anything like me, not a huge walker and short attention span, you will be able to come here about 8 times to finally have seen the whole place.
3. Escape the Room - Tired of EVERY night time activity revolving around drinking? Me too! This awesome activity puts you into a room and forces you to discover clues in order to hopefully escape the room. Ton of fun, quite challenging, and truly makes you think.
4. Top of the Empire State Building - I have lived in the greater NYC area for almost all of my life. I know this is a tourist trap but the view is absolutely breathtaking and if you have not done it, you must.
5. Broadway Show - I am not going to assume one show fits all. Do some research and figure out which show makes sense for you.
You live in the best city in the world. Enjoy it!
