by Mike Goldstein
Most women above the age of 28 that I meet are looking for love, marriage, and commitment. However, I consistently hear stories of these same wonderful women casually dating men and hoping at some point they will ask her to be monogamous. But, the guy never asks and the man gets to skirt through their relationship with no commitment. This usually carries on for a few months until the woman finally confronts the man and asks where this is headed.
The man squirms and says one of the following:
"I don't know"
"Let's see what happens"
"I like you, let's see"
and so on!
First off, I am sorry ladies when you have to deal with this. It stinks!
However, let me offer you an alternative to NEVER have to deal with this again. On the 2ND Date or even first date tell a man what you are looking for. Say with confidence, "My life is perfect, I have a great apartment in NYC, I have a secure job that I love. All I am missing is a life partner. I would like to find him and in the meantime I don't want to waste time with hook ups. What are you looking for?" - (Miss Confidence)
Wow, very powerful statement and question, RIGHT! This is extremely sexy from the male point of view. This woman has it together and knows what she wants. Assuming the man is attracted to her and wants the same things, he is going to pursue this woman. If the guy is not ready for commitment, he is most likely not going to ask her on a 2nd date.
Why will the guy who just wants a hook up not pursue a 2nd date?
Men are lazy, if they are just looking for a hook up, they will find a girl willing to provide that. They are not going to work extremely hard to impress Miss Confidence just for a sexual encounter. It is too much work and HOPEFULLY most men will realize she is focused on a goal and it would be EXTREMELY CRUEL to just hook up with a girl when she set her BOUNDARIES upfront. (Men can be cruel but most of them don't do it intentionally)
Moral of the story, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, tell men what you want. It is very sexy to confidently profess your dating goals. Moving forward, when dating this man, hold him accountable for your standard. If he can't meet them, there are plenty of men that will be ecstatic to be with you. #Next
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A few months ago I was in Aspen Market buying some groceries when I saw the most stunning woman, possibly in the Greater New York City Area. She was about 5'7, long straight brown hair, beautiful blue eyes (I think? I am color blind) and a very fit athletic body. I was attempting to focus on picking out ripe tomatoes but she truly caught my attention.
Anyway, I remained determined to finish my shopping and I got some squash and broccoli and walked right by her while she was intently looking for salsa.
Five minutes later I circled back around and realized I needed salsa. Amazingly enough she was still looking for some. I started thinking, beautiful and determined to find the best salsa on the planet, this was my kind of girl! Now there was no way I was not going to talk to her.
I stood next to her but a few feet away, both of us facing the salsa and I confidently asked "So which Salsa is the best?"
The beautiful burnette replied "Don't hold me to this, but I am getting this one" as she pointed to yada-yada salsa. I immediately grabbed that salsa and said, "Sold, I am sure it will be amazing"
At this point, she started wandering off and I let her go as it seemed she was in a rush.
Why did I tell you this long winded story about a girl I didn't get the number of? Because men and women alike miss thousands if not millions of opportunities to meet people during the day while at the grocery store, the morning commute, at a museum, and so on.
Today I will give you some tools to approach anyone.
Please take in mind, the approach I am about to teach is the most nerve wrecking but definitely the most rewarding once you get over the FEAR of actually doing it!
Ok Ladies and Gentleman, Here We Go! (Both Men and WOMEN should do this)
If you see someone you are interested in, go up to them and tell them exactly what caught your eye.
For example, I should have said the following to the blonde.
"You are absolutely beautiful" (Speaking slowly and confidently, making eye contact, and going dead silent right when I finish)
Let the compliment marinate, stare at the person and see how he/she responds.
I have tried this method between myself and my clients thousands of times. There are two results. One, the person is flattered and wants to chat with you, and hopefully conversation ensues and numbers are exchanged. Two, the person is flattered but not interested because he/she has a gf,bf, not attracted to you, having a bad day, and various other reasons.
HOWEVER, even the not interested person results in a HUGE SMILE and a very gracious recipient 9 times out of 10. Thus, I refuse to consider this a failure, but merely a person going out of their way to compliment a stranger that hopefully makes that person feel great for a moment or even a day.
Anyway, please try this out and let me know if I am correct that there is only 2 responses to this "pick up" line.
I conducted five consultations with women this week. All five girls were absolutely, unequivocally stunning. Not only did they have this in common but they all had successful careers, were intelligent, and strong communicators. I was shocked at how amazing these girls were.
However, what shocked me even more was how some of them were self-conscious and lacked confidence. This was hard for me to believe. All these girls would easily walk into any room, anywhere in Manhattan, and have heads turn and once they turned, make jaws drop with the profound things that would come out of their spoken mouths.
Moral of the story is this. Ladies, you are all beautiful, intelligent, and have careers many would die for. We all understand and empathize with your horror stories from the past. But you all are amazing people and deserve to feel that way about yourselves.
Now go out there and continue to conquer the world and allow yourselves to have men join the journey at your side.
Your Dating Coach,