I get female clients into relationships 83% of the time. Why am I telling you this, because I want you to not just read my advice, but actually use it and be successful.
When I was in my mid 20's I was a successful sales professional. In my prior life I had been ranked as high as #2 out of 5,000 sales people. After leaving the insurance industry I was looking for my next challenge. An ex-partner of IBM and I linked up and quickly built a strong bond. He believed in my sales acumen and asked me to single handily open a NY IT consulting branch. I knew nothing about IT but at the time believed sales is sales, I can do it!
My boss knew I didn't know anything about IT and gave me specific orders. "Go make friends with anyone in IT and if people like you they will fill their consulting needs through you." Easy enough. During my journey to make friends, I remember setting up an appointment to meet with an IT director at a fortune 500 company. I was confirming the appointment on the phone and he said,
"Mike, I am not sure if you want to meet with me right now, my company is on a hiring freeze"
I said, "I understand Alex, I make my friends when times are bad, so when things turn around you know exactly who to call"
We met that day, and like Alex said, he had nothing for me. However, I said "Alex, I want to continue this relationship, in one month I am going to take you out to lunch."
At that lunch I received an opportunity to submit a proposal for a project as well as received a job description to fill a consulting role. Less than a week later I made my first sale with Alex.
Over the next three years, I was always his first call whenever he needed anything, including when he left his firm and become CTO at another company.
"Mike, why the heck did you tell me this story?"
Very simple. "If you don't know, go" - Brian Murrow
This means, if a guy asks you on a date and you are not sure. Go on the date!
Why is this so important?
Women are constantly complaining about the quality of their dates not being good. However, women are disqualifying dates for valid reasons but NOT for the most important reasons.
Let's say these are the 5 things you need in a life partner: (Here is How You Build this List for Yourself)
1. Great Communicator
2. Positive Attitude
3. Passionate about his work
4. Lives a healthy lifestyle
5. Trustworthy
Do NOT disqualify men UNLESS with 100% certainty you are sure they are missing one or more of your 5 required qualities.
For example, today one of my clients called me and said a guy she was texting with, (have not been on a date yet), asked, "I want to know where this is headed, I am only looking for marriage, are you ultimately looking to get married?"
Now from her perspective, she is like why is this stranger asking me if I want to get married. It seems like the question is coming a little soon. My client was freaked out and debating canceling the date.
However, although I 100% agreed that the guy was too forward by asking this question. I actually felt more secure having my client date this man. I know that he is serious and most likely won't waste her time.
Also, although it wasn't the best dating etiquette, this guy still appears to have our 5 must haves from above, or at least we aren't sure yet if he doesn't. Since "you don't know, go!"
Now, if you found out he smokes cigarettes, and doesn't work out. Well, that doesn't fit into a healthy lifestyle and you 100% should cancel the date. No need to waste time.
Final Point: Men probably have about 10% of the social/verbal skills that women do.
Why?
Remember, when we were kids on the playground. The boys would play kill the carrier and women would be huddled into a circle chatting. (Obviously I am over simplify just to explain a point)
Well, the women gained vital social skills and exponentially increased their verbal skills. Men, on the other hand did not get these skills.
Thus, men are going to fumble on the phone, whether speaking or texting. Bare with the guy, he only has 10% of your ability in this area. Hopefully, he makes up for it in other areas.
Bottom line, don't exclude men on minor mistakes, but do remove men if they are missing your non negotiables. If you need to learn the proper way to build your 5 non-negotiable's list, go here.
Dating is tough, and many of us ‘want it all’- looks, health, romantic relationship, stable career, and to be happy (whatever that means to you). Somewhere along the way we may shift our focus to more immediate concerns, and tell ourselves we’ll take care of this ongoing issue another time. Human nature likes to focus ‘here and now’, but sometimes issues that arise are actually indicators that multiple processes are taking place. Unfortunately, the current medical model does a poor job in helping us understand when symptoms and concerns need to be more mindfully managed, and the thought of prevention only scratches the surface. Acne, painful periods, low libido, weight gain, etc. came from somewhere, and if we don’t address that ‘somewhere’ by considering more than one organ system or therapeutic modality, then conditions may continue to mount and worsen. If we want it all, we certainly need our health.
There was a time when symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (PMS) or menopause were nil to non-existent, and is actually more prevalent in underdeveloped countries. First world countries like the U.S. have erupted in industrialization, genetically modified products, including so many chemicals that the Food and Drug Administration only regulates about 80% (so something can have an organic label without being 100% organic). Fortunately other developed countries are more progressive and regulate thousands of chemicals.
So what does this mean for us? What we put on our bodies is just as important as what we put in our bodies especially when it comes to overall health. At the very least, we could have a delayed symptomatic reaction that may or may not be related to gut health, such as:
· Anxiety
· Irritability
· Skin conditions (e.g. acne, rashes)
· Fatigue
· Low libido
· Painful cramps around your period
· Migraines
· Joint pain, or overall pain
In practice, I commonly see skin and menstrual issues together, and men with low libido and some kind of heart disease (e.g. blood sugar imbalance, ‘low T’, high cholesterol, or high blood pressure). Sometimes it’s migraines and menstrual issues, and other times it’s everything I just listed. Seriously. Hormones can be a major issue, but if we’re not digesting properly or don’t have the greatest diet, then it’s going to be harder to get in the nutrients needed to make the hormones. There’s also multiple glands that make the same hormone, so we need to care for those too- some of those are also involved in sleep and stress (so those two will definitely affect our hormonal health).
In lieu of going after the life we desire, especially in the dating realm, here are some wonderful tips to help regulate your hormones, and get you in your best shape before your date!
· Improve your confidence & libido? Stand like a superhero- legs spread apart, arms on hips, elbows bent. This open posture projects power, as researchers found an increase in testosterone and a decrease in cortisol (our stress hormone that when chronically elevated can block other important physiological function) among those who stood this way for one minute. Could be just what you need to ask them out!
· Feeling bloated? Drink at least half your body weight in ounces of water, stay away from sugar, salty foods, and dairy, and add in some extra movement (even walking or yoga). Still have a few days before a date? Jot down what you’ve been eating for the past few days, and see if there’s a common food that may even contribute to a reaction a day or two later.
· Found a pimple? Take out dairy and sugar, don’t touch your face or use any sort of scrub, and best not to use any kind of concealer (I understand if you really need to the day of- it totally happens). Increase vegetable consumption of dark leafy greens and cruciferous vegetables, rich in vitamins A and C, which are very important for skin health. And hydrate hydrate hydrate! Topically, you can use coconut oil a few times per day, as it has wonderful anti-bacterial properties.
· Scheduled a date but got your period? Magnesium, best in powder form for better absorption over pill form, is a wonderful muscle relaxer, and our uterus is mostly made of muscle. Take an Epsom salt bath, a rich source of magnesium, to have your whole body absorb this great mineral through its largest organ, the skin. A heating pad on your lower abdomen will also help, however careful if it gets too hot. Limit/stay away from sugary, heavy, rich food, which will worsen cramps.
Who is our writer?
Dr. Serena Goldstein is a Naturopathic Doctor practicing in NYC specializing in natural hormone balance, such as painful menses, skin conditions, low libido, and weight concerns utilizing natural therapies such as botanical medicine, nutrition, and homeopathy to get to the underlying cause of disease. Dr. Serena graduated Cum Laude from Barrett Honors College at Arizona State University with a double major in Psychology and Biology, and earned her Naturopathic Doctorate degree from National College of Natural Medicine, in Portland, Oregon. Dr. Serena has been published in numerous wellness websites, such as MindBodyGreen, in print, and has been featured Dr. Gary Null's, The Progressive Radio Network. Dr. Serena is passionate about educating on the importance of health through her bi-weekly newsletters, as well as giving talks around NYC.
Social media links
www.drserenagoldstein.com = website
I remember growing up believing once I fell in love, that would be it for me. No more dating around. I found her, time to get married and spend our lives together. However, at some point to my chagrin I realized love is not enough. Keeping a significant other involves a lot more than just love.
However, in this article I am going to tell you the 2 principles that will make it almost impossible to mess up a relationship that has love.
Without further ado:
1. Accept him for who he is
2. Appreciate him for what he does
Yes, these concepts are VERY SIMPLE. But, they are amazingly hard to execute. So I am going to dive a lot deeper on how to implement.
1. Let's start with accepting him. This means actually liking all his weird idiosyncrasies. This means making him feel good about his insecurities.
For example, I quit my stable corporate america job with a stable paycheck to start this business. My income is very varied and sporadic, which makes for not the most stable of boyfriends to eventually start a family with. However, my girlfriend admires my ability to face risk and everyday she pushes me to get small wins. She makes me feel confident in my decisions and even lifts me up on days where I think I should throw in the towel.
In turn, I feel that she completely accepts me for who I am and is not trying to change me.
2. Let's move onto appreciating him.
The male ego is fragile and needs to be bolstered constantly especially by the person who is supposed to lift it up.
In order to make my point clear I want to visit my friend Ryan and Noelle's marriage and eventually divorce. Background: College educated, great jobs, mid 30's, wonderful home, dog, and white picket fence. From the outside looks like the perfect marriage.
As homeowners, things would occasionally need to be fixed or renovated. Ryan would perform the tasks, the best he could. However, Noelle came from a family of carpenters. Thus, no matter how hard Ryan tried, his work was never sufficient. Instead of receiving appreciation for his efforts, Noelle would compare it to professionals, put Ryan down, complain, and then fix it herself.
Ryan was a confident strong man but eventually without recieving apperciation and encouragement from his wife he could no longer be loving and the great husband he usually is. Once, he stopped being a great husband, you can only imagine how the relationship snowballed and eventually ended in divorce.
Obviously, I over generalized all the causes of this divorce but the point still remains that a man needs to feel appreciated.
No matter what he is doing, you have an opportunity to make him feel like a million bucks if you want him to feel that way.
Examples: Takes garbage out, grab his arms and say, "You are so strong, thank you"
Does the dishes, "You are so sexy when you do the dishes"
Calls you on the phone, "Thanks for calling, it makes me so happy to hear from you"
Not only will these words of encouragement make him feel great but if you continue your positive reinforcement you can train him to repeat good behaviors. And guess what, he is going to be happy as can be to do these chores as long as you over appreciate him for it!
Want to learn how to train your man without changing him in more detail? Read this article.
In the meantime, remember to appreciate and accept him and you will never ever lose a man you love ever again!
