Hello, So I am in college and there is a guy I am interested in. When first talking to him I told him he would have to work to get me and that I am not just interested in sex and he said he understood and would work for me. So one day he asked me to come over to his dormitory after three hours of debating on whether i should go or not I finally went. We watched a movie while talking about relationships. I told him my views on relationships is that a guy should make a effort to get to know a girl first before sex, and that they should be in a relationship first before having sex. His response was that he believes in having sex with a girl first then getting to know each other. I did not fall for this and kept debating my opinion. After the debate I left and based on our conversation I decided to text him this: I was interested in u that's why I came to your room to have a conversation with you to see where your head was at. I respect the type of mentality that you have and your views on certain things but you're not what I am looking for. I know my worth and I love and respect myself enough to not fall for your mentality. I hope you find what you're looking for but it's not me. His response: Say no more ( Which is basically saying I understand or respect that) At the time I didn't understand what his response meant (until a friend told me the urban dictionary definition for it) so I took it as he wanted to stop talking to me and I didn't respond back. Now every time we see each other he just stares at me and we work at the same job I catch him constantly looking at me but he doesn't say anything. My question basically is, why does he keep staring at me but doesn't say anything?
The guy is looking at you because you are the girl he didn't get to sleep with. He is probably attracted to you, but he is not attracted and intrigued enough to put in the effort of getting to know you and possibly dating you. Basically, you are hot enough for him to look at, but not hot enough for him to put in the effort.
He is not willing to put in the effort because he is either 1) not interested in a relationship 2) for some reason not interested in a relationship with you.
On a positive note, at least you saved A LOT OF TIME and possibly heart break by NOT spending adequate enough time to sleep together to then find out he was only putting in the minimal amount of effort to sleep with you. Anyway, I think you hit the lottery with this one.
Congratulations and hope you find a guy soon that is ready to get to know you.
I brought my boyfriend of three months home to meet my mom. Later in the week I spoke with my mom and she said she didn't trust the guy and something was not right. Should I tell my boyfriend my mom doesn't like him? What should I do?
Thanks for the great question. When we were teenagers, the romeo and juliet effect was alive and well, when parents didn't approve our significant other, more times than not we were pushed closer to them. However, now as adults we want our families to get along with our potential future husband. In an ideal world we picture our families blending and potentially spending holidays and other events together. In order for this to happen, we need everyone to get along.
You asked, "should you tell your boyfriend your mom doesn't like him?"
I would suggest waiting. If you have a guy that treats you well, like you deserved to be treated, your mother will eventually see how he treats you. Now, assuming your mother has your best interests at heart, when she sees the great treatment you receive, she most likely will start to warm up to your new boyfriend.
Bringing in new people to an already set family dynamic can be challenging. A mother could be accustomed to receiving your undivided attention. However, now she may be receiving less quality time because you now need to divide your attention between her and your new boyfriend. It is important that you are sensitive to your mother's need and will most likely want to start a dialogue with her to see how she feels about the new dynamic.
Is she still receiving what she needs out of her mother/daughter relationship?
Through strong communications, and a willingness to adapt to new social dynamics, hopefully all parties will be able to find a new normal and through time your great boyfriend and mother should grow closer together.
I get female clients into relationships 83% of the time. Why am I telling you this, because I want you to not just read my advice, but actually use it and be successful.
When I was in my mid 20's I was a successful sales professional. In my prior life I had been ranked as high as #2 out of 5,000 sales people. After leaving the insurance industry I was looking for my next challenge. An ex-partner of IBM and I linked up and quickly built a strong bond. He believed in my sales acumen and asked me to single handily open a NY IT consulting branch. I knew nothing about IT but at the time believed sales is sales, I can do it!
My boss knew I didn't know anything about IT and gave me specific orders. "Go make friends with anyone in IT and if people like you they will fill their consulting needs through you." Easy enough. During my journey to make friends, I remember setting up an appointment to meet with an IT director at a fortune 500 company. I was confirming the appointment on the phone and he said,
"Mike, I am not sure if you want to meet with me right now, my company is on a hiring freeze"
I said, "I understand Alex, I make my friends when times are bad, so when things turn around you know exactly who to call"
We met that day, and like Alex said, he had nothing for me. However, I said "Alex, I want to continue this relationship, in one month I am going to take you out to lunch."
At that lunch I received an opportunity to submit a proposal for a project as well as received a job description to fill a consulting role. Less than a week later I made my first sale with Alex.
Over the next three years, I was always his first call whenever he needed anything, including when he left his firm and become CTO at another company.
"Mike, why the heck did you tell me this story?"
Very simple. "If you don't know, go" - Brian Murrow
This means, if a guy asks you on a date and you are not sure. Go on the date!
Why is this so important?
Women are constantly complaining about the quality of their dates not being good. However, women are disqualifying dates for valid reasons but NOT for the most important reasons.
Let's say these are the 5 things you need in a life partner: (Here is How You Build this List for Yourself)
1. Great Communicator
2. Positive Attitude
3. Passionate about his work
4. Lives a healthy lifestyle
Do NOT disqualify men UNLESS with 100% certainty you are sure they are missing one or more of your 5 required qualities.
For example, today one of my clients called me and said a guy she was texting with, (have not been on a date yet), asked, "I want to know where this is headed, I am only looking for marriage, are you ultimately looking to get married?"
Now from her perspective, she is like why is this stranger asking me if I want to get married. It seems like the question is coming a little soon. My client was freaked out and debating canceling the date.
However, although I 100% agreed that the guy was too forward by asking this question. I actually felt more secure having my client date this man. I know that he is serious and most likely won't waste her time.
Also, although it wasn't the best dating etiquette, this guy still appears to have our 5 must haves from above, or at least we aren't sure yet if he doesn't. Since "you don't know, go!"
Now, if you found out he smokes cigarettes, and doesn't work out. Well, that doesn't fit into a healthy lifestyle and you 100% should cancel the date. No need to waste time.
Final Point: Men probably have about 10% of the social/verbal skills that women do.
Remember, when we were kids on the playground. The boys would play kill the carrier and women would be huddled into a circle chatting. (Obviously I am over simplify just to explain a point)
Well, the women gained vital social skills and exponentially increased their verbal skills. Men, on the other hand did not get these skills.
Thus, men are going to fumble on the phone, whether speaking or texting. Bare with the guy, he only has 10% of your ability in this area. Hopefully, he makes up for it in other areas.
Bottom line, don't exclude men on minor mistakes, but do remove men if they are missing your non negotiables. If you need to learn the proper way to build your 5 non-negotiable's list, go here.