It is natural for you to feel a bit of uncertainty when it comes to your relationship. Maybe you've been hurt before or maybe it just doesn't feel like a fairytale romance that is portrayed in the movies. Whatever the reason, before long, these doubts leave you asking yourself, "How do I know that he's the right guy for me?"
You start to worry that if you are having doubts, that must mean that he isn't the one. If he is your soul mate, shouldn't you just know? Shouldn't everything be perfect?
In response to these thoughts and fears, we can have a number of different reactions. These reactions are completely normal and very common but they will often cause more issues in the relationship. Women might rush into a commitment to help rid themselves of all of the uncertainty. Rushing into a commitment before you're ready can lead to disaster. It might feel instinctual to hold tightly onto something so you won't lose it but this can often have the opposite effect.
Men, on the other hand, tend to pull away in response to these feelings. When women see men pulling away for them, they often times will panic or blame themselves. This can lead to them beating themselves up and obsessing over all of the details. Often worried that they did something wrong, they will reach out to the man to try to figure out what happened. These insecurities can be read as neediness by the man, and BANG! ...They pull away even more.
We all have insecurities in many areas of our lives and relationships are no exception! It is important to try to worry less and trust more. DON'T PANIC! Trust your heart.
Another important thing to remember is that life isn't a movie. You aren't going to run into his arms in slow motion. There isn't going to be a montage of perfect little moments. He isn't going to speak to you in poetry that makes your heart soar. The only thing that is guaranteed in love is that it isn't going to be perfect. But that's what love is... Sometimes, it's saying and doing the wrong thing and sometimes it's messy. Love is perfectly imperfect and the right one for you will be there with you through it all.
Maybe you'll have an aha moment or maybe it will be a collection of moments that show you what you need to know. When you look to the future, you can't picture it without him. That's how you know your guys is the right guy for you.
Want to learn more about this topic? Watch this video for great insights from John Gray, author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus":
Wondering if you would be a good fit for coaching with me? Book A complimentary 15 minute strategy session with me HERE and find out. Let's get you a high quality man that will be yours forever.
I remember in my mid twenties going on a bunch of first dates. I would come home and think to myself, that was fun I am going to ask her on a 2nd date. Or I would come home and think, that was not so fun I think I will go pursue other options. This process is standard procedure for most daters.
However, if you are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, shouldn't there be a more decisive and sophisticated process? The answer should be an emphatic, Yes!
So what should you do?
Build Your Perfect Person List
Step 1 - Write down every quality you want in a person.
Step 2 - Pick your top 5.
Moving forward, you only go on second dates with people that possess your top 5 qualities. However, since you are always changing, this list should be very fluid. If you decide quality 8 is now more important than quality 4, simply switch them out. But, always have a list of no more than 5 qualities. This system will allow you to be realistic and firm with clear boundaries all at the same time.
So what are you waiting for? Go on some first dates now that you have an easy system to decide who gets a 2nd date.
For years women have been told to play hard to get and the man will chase her. This is terribly wrong. If I am pursuing a woman I am interested in and asked her out 3 -4 times and each time she was unavailable, well I can promise you I am not going to ask her out again because she is clearly not available for dating. No matter how much I like someone, I can't pursue someone that is not available.
But, when you are being yourself and available why do men lose interest?
Men are losing interest because you are not making them feel something on your dates. What does that mean?
Let me break it down into a list:
1. You need to have the top 5 qualities he is looking for in a partner. For example, maybe he wants someone compassionate, good conversationalist, handles problems well, positive attitude, and comes from a big great family. (If he ends up not pursuing you because you don't have his 5, no sweat, maybe he didn't have your 5 either. Onto the next guy)
2. If you are enjoying yourself, make him feel that. How do you do that? I will never forget my 3rd date with my now live in girlfriend. We just spent a day at the beach and were walking back to the car. She said, "This is the best date of my life." I said, "What!? You are Joking?" I remember thinking, I am sure some charming guy must have one upped me with a vacation to the Alps, with a romantic dinner, and maybe even being serenaded by Boys to Men or something spectacular. Quite, frankly to this day I am sure someone in her past must have done something amazing.
But, it doesn't matter, at this point in her head and in my mind that moment forever lives as the best date of her life and mine. At that very moment I felt something. I felt, happy, excited, and successful.
What did all this mean to me?
1. It made me think that I could plan simple dates, be myself, and I can make this woman happy.
2. If it is this easy to make her have the time of her life, maybe she is the right person to spend the rest of my life with because I can be successful with her.
So how can this be used in your life?
If you go on an amazing date, don't be afraid to tell him and definitely don't be afraid to use exponential superlatives. Feel free to say it was the best date of your life. Say this is the best beach you have ever been to. Say, this is the best restaurant I have ever eaten at. These types of statements will heighten situations and allow events to be more fun and more memorable.
Sometimes people are afraid to use all encompassing adjectives but when it comes to fun moments, they can increase fun levels. So if you want your guy to never lose interest, when you have a great date, tell him and be more emphatic about it than any other girl has ever been. When he feels like he has been the only person to provide this amazing of a date, well he will be intrigued by you, want to learn more about you, and most likely try to one up his date next date. I know that happened for me.
On the fourth date I was told that date was now the best date of her life. At this point I was hooked on her personality and the fact that I finally felt a supreme level of success in providing happiness for another person. There was no way I was losing interest from this point forward and guess what, it was just her being herself and making me feel successful. Pretty easy! You can do it too.