- Crista Caruso
The answer is YES! Of course, you are! We all have insecurities and get down on ourselves sometimes. The fear that you aren’t attractive enough can really hold you back. I’m here to tell you that you absolutely are attractive enough to find love. I have proof! Are you ready for this?
Let’s get into some science and learn about the physiology of men and women. You’ve probably heard that men are very visual. This is because men have 25% more receptors going from their eyes to their brain than women do. Interesting, right? Don’t let this fact intimidate you! It’s a great thing and we’ll talk about why, later.
If you found that fact interesting, you’re going to love this… There was a scientific study done where women looked at photos of men and rated their physically attractiveness on a scale from 1-10. After rating the men, the women met with them and were asked to rate their attractiveness again. If the man had a great personality, his score went way up. A kind and charming man that was initially rated a 4 could now be an 8! Conversely, a man that she didn’t hit it off with could go from a 4 to a 0! This teaches us that a man’s personality can really make him more or less attractive to a woman.
Now check this out… when they flipped the study and did the same test on men, women’s personalities had a smaller effect on their ratings. If he really liked her personality, her score could go up 1 point and if he really didn’t like her personality, it could drop down 1 point. This teaches us that men need to be attracted to a woman right off the bat. Women can grow to be attracted to a man while men need to feel it right away.
Don’t let this make you nervous, ladies. Men are attracted to a lot of things. Like I said early, men are very visual. They love your face, your hair, your smile, your confidence, your style… Plus, there is a lid for every pot! There is someone out there for everyone! Be confident and proud of who you are and let your beauty shine!
Wondering if you would be a good fit for coaching with EZ Dating Coach? Book A complimentary 15 minute strategy session HERE and find out. Let's get you a high quality man that will be yours forever.
Mike Goldstein
Woah, that is a freaking loaded question! Well I am going to unwrap this one for you and attempt to make this as EZ as possible.
Because I hate when things are difficult and hate when things are confusing. So wish me luck, this isn't a battle, this one is a war.
(I just started watching GOT from the beginning)
Alright, anyway.
So, first off, what are some "Rules?"
I grabbed these from "The Rules: Time Test Secrets for Capturing The Heart of Mr. Right" by Ellen Fein
Examples:
Don't Meet him halfway or go dutch on a date
Don't open up too fast
Don't call him and rarely return his calls
Don't expect a man to change or try to change him
So first disclaimer, this is just a small sampling of hundreds or maybe even thousands of rules in this book.
So hopefully you had some of the same reactions I had when reading this...
My biggest one was to:
"Don't call him and rarely return his calls"
I am cool with not calling him. I like to let a man chase. But, I am mortified by the advice of rarely returning his calls.
Let's unpack that from a man's perspective.
I call a woman I am interested in. I leave her a message requesting a call back. She doesn't call me back. My thought is simple, she is not interested.
NEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!
Men want to chase, but they are NOTTTTTTTTTTTT going to chase women who cannot be caught!!!!!!!!
So what should you do? Don't be the first one reaching out, but respond to the poor guy (assuming you are interested in him or he is going to disappear thinking you are not interested).
Oh Boy, I just realized what I did!
I said, "That Rule is bad! But do this rule!"
Which I guess brings me to the answer to the original question: Do you need rules or simply to have fun with the guy?
Well, I think if you are a person with a the goal of - (Get a Life Partner)
Well you need a game plan. If you want to make rules, well rock and roll - HAVE THEM!
But, don't make them black and white for the ones that don't need to be.
For example: If it means the world to you, not to have sex until you are in a committed relationship. THEN HOLD STRONG TO THAT ONE.
But in regards to the rule: Don't Meet him halfway or go dutch on a date
Maybe...
If a guy suggests meeting for a drink 30 minutes away from him and it is also 30 minutes away for you and he seems like a good guy. Well freaking GO!!!!!!!!!
What are you crazy? Who turns down a 1st date with a promising person because you are both driving the same distance?
Now, IF HE LIKES YOU AFTER THE 1ST DATE. DON'T BE SURPRISED WHEN THE 2ND DATE IS CLOSER TO YOUR HOUSE.
But, you never would have gotten there if you didn't show up for the first date.
Men, fall in love using their eyes. Assuming this is an online date and the guy is desirable, he is not going to be excited about traveling 75-95% of the distance to your house for a first meet and greet. (He doesn't know if he is into yet so he doesn't want to invest in you yet.)
BUT, if he is attracted to you and you have good conversation on a first date...Watch out 2nd date he will put some effort in and starting INVESTING IN YOU.
But don't expect investment until he gets to meet you.
Now, what is the EZ outcome of this whole thing.
If a rule makes sense FOR YOU. Use it. If it doesn't make sense for you, THROW IT OUT!
But most importantly access what kind of person you want to be. If you want to be known as reliable, consistent, attainable, then return phone calls.
If you want to be seen as this busy, fantastic, maybe unattainable prize, that is going to require a lot of work then do that.
I am not saying either way is wrong, but the latter will end up in less dates and MAY end up with folks that are more persistent. (Or have less shame, which in my personal opinion is a sexy quality)
Bottom line: You are smart, use what works for you and throw out what doesn't. But, always have fun. A man having fun will deal with some of your boundaries/rules but if he isn't having fun he will be gone very quickly.
Mike filmed this video with a chipped tooth. He felt embarrassed and silly but he thought that it was important to be vulnerable and confident. He wanted to show you how important these traits are, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Studies show that the number one sexiest thing for both men and women is…CONFIDENCE! When you are vulnerable with someone, you are showing them that you are confident enough to open up.
So, how can you be vulnerable in your relationship? Don’t be afraid to let him in and tell him how you feel. This can be anything from sharing your fears and anxieties about the future to talking about something difficult that you went through in the past. This will help you really connect and bond and talking about these types of things will also help you to move passed them. Your vulnerability will draw your man to you and really opening up will bring you closer than ever.
Now that you know how to be vulnerable, let’s talk about how to be confident? Speak your mind and tell your man what you want. Confidence is not only sexy, when you are able to come right out and say what you need, you are more likely to get it. Your man will love that he doesn’t have to guess what will make you happy. You told him what you need, he can help you get it, and then he will feel great knowing that he made you happy. It’s a win-win!
Being vulnerable can feel really scary but once you get passed those initial feelings, you will see how many benefits it has. It allows you to let your partner in and really bond and connect with them. It can also help you resolve an issue or find closure. If you aren’t a naturally confident person, the idea of being confident may feel a bit intimidating. You can do it! Once you do, you’ll see how great it is! Your man will find it so sexy, attractive, and refreshing! He will know exactly what he can do to make you happy and that will make him feel great! Feeling sexy and attractive will make you feel great, too! Being confident will also help you get what you need. You will be surprised with all of the wonderful changes that can occur when you are vulnerable enough to let people in and confident enough to stand up for your own happiness.
Wondering if you would be a good fit for coaching with EZ Dating Coach? Book A complimentary 15 minute strategy session HERE and find out. Let's get you a high quality man that will be yours forever.