Mike Goldstein
Do you remember when Kobe Bryant cheated on his wife with some 19 year old girl? He was accused of rape, was later found innocent, but was definitely guilty of adultery. Obviously, his wife, and mother of their 6 year old daughter was furious. In order to apologize, Kobe's grand gesture was a 4 million dollar diamond ring. The wife ended up staying with Kobe Bryant.
However, there is a lot more to grand gestures than meets the eye.
I believe in a given year, men and women are both looking for their love interest to accrue 100 points. But, men and women keep score 100% differently than each other.
Women will tally gestures 1 point at a time.
Men will tally gestures anywhere from 1 -20 points at a time.
Thus, when Kobe gave his wife a 4M dollar diamond he only earned 1 point. But, when his wife stayed with him after such a horrible event, I bet she earned 20 points. She had just proved to her man she is not going anywhere and she was going to fight for their family. I am sure this must have meant a lot to Kobe.
Now, how to apply this to your life?
LADIES - Find out what is truly important to your men. If possible find out how you can help him on that matter.
For example, it is really important that I eat healthy throughout the week. I told this to my GF and she came over on a Sunday to help me cook healthy meals for the entire week. (She earned 7 Points for that!)
MEN - What should you do? Little gestures often and consistently. Never Give up.
Your lady wants to know that you care about her. Whether it be a nice text message, little note on her pillow, flowers, chocolates, or after she has a bad interview, words of encouragement. If you really want to be effective, I would suggest learning what your woman's love languages are. Once you know how she wants to be loved you can make sure your gestures are meaningful to her.
Mike Goldstein
It’s always tough when you’re serious about finding love, are dating someone you feel strongly about and then learn they’re not into you as much as you thought.
It’s upsetting. It’s discouraging. And when you get blindsided by the news, it’s downright depressing.
Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened to me in 2014. THREE DIFFERENT TIMES! I did all the little things right—paid for the bills, held the doors, kept the conversations light and fun— and started imagining a potential future together. Then I found out the girl didn't feel the same way about me.
Whomp Whomp.
I was pretty crushed all three times. Looking back on it now, however, I realize if I paid more attention to the signs they were giving off, I would have realized they were not that into me.
Since I can't go back in time and help myself, I want to help you avoid heartbreak in your relationships. Here’s a list of three signs that signal he’s not that into you.
1. He Doesn't Call or Text within 48 hours of your date
When a man is really excited about dating you, he’s going to reach out within 1-3 days. If he only wants a booty call, you will hear from him between 4-7 days. Guys will hate me for giving away that secret. But it’s pretty much universally true.
2. No Introductions to Friends or Family
If he doesn't want you to meet the people he cares about, he probably doesn't see a future with you. AKA - Why introduce someone who may not be around in a few months.
3. Refuses to Make Future Plans
Let’s say you invite him to a wedding or an office party or any large gathering that's a month or so away. If he says, "no” or “maybe" be wary of how much he likes you. That is, unless he is a legitimate reason.
If the guy you are dating is giving off these signs, it usually means he’s not thinking about a future with you. But I’d also love to hear what kinds of situations you’re going through that make you wary of whether he likes you or not. Or maybe you’re wondering what the next step is. Let me hear your thoughts below.
Different people speak different languages when it comes to love. The key is understanding what languages your partner speaks, then fulfilling them the right way.
My girlfriend, for example, wants to spend time with me while I just want her to tell me she loves me. Between dates at the beginning of our relationship I would constantly tell her how amazing she is and that I was crazy about her. Although she appreciated the words, it was more meaningful to her if I went into NYC on a Wednesday night for couples BYOB painting class. (Great date by the way!)
The point is, every person has different preferences when it comes to showing and receiving love. Below are 5 love languages discussed in a book I read by Gary Chapman to help you determine what your 2 primary languages are.
1. Words of Affirmation
Encouragement - friends says "I want to lose weight." You say, "If you decide to do it I know you will succeed because you are the kind of person who accomplishes goals."
Praise - "you did an excellent job"
Kind Words - what we say and manner in which we say it. Ex: "I love you vs. I love you?" People interpret our message by our tone of voice, not the words we use.
2. Physical Touch - Self explanatory
3. Quality Time
Sympathetic Listener -
Do: maintain eye contact, ask questions,
Don't: provide solutions, roll eyes, take person's topic and talk about how it relates to you
Express Understanding - "I can see how you would feel that way. If I were in your shoes, I'm sure I would feel the same way"
Ask If you could do anything helpful
4. Acts of Service
Do these things because you want to, not because you’re forced
5. Gifts
If you are a saver and your partner is a spender. You must spend as an investment in your love for her.
Next Steps:
I would suggest implementing the love languages by first determining what your parent’s are. Once you determine that, you can attempt to speak their language and see how it affects your relationship with them.
For example, if your father is words of affirmation, thank him for being an amazing dad the next time you speak to him and see how he reacts to your compliment.
Moving forward, I would suggest in all relationships (business, personal, or love) figure out what language the person speaks and attempt to fulfill those needs. In return watch all your relationships blossom.