- Crista Caruso
- Jun 20, 2018
- 2 min read
It is natural for you to feel a bit of uncertainty when it comes to your relationship. Maybe you've been hurt before or maybe it just doesn't feel like a fairytale romance that is portrayed in the movies. Whatever the reason, before long, these doubts leave you asking yourself, "How do I know that he's the right guy for me?"
You start to worry that if you are having doubts, that must mean that he isn't the one. If he is your soul mate, shouldn't you just know? Shouldn't everything be perfect?
In response to these thoughts and fears, we can have a number of different reactions. These reactions are completely normal and very common but they will often cause more issues in the relationship. Women might rush into a commitment to help rid themselves of all of the uncertainty. Rushing into a commitment before you're ready can lead to disaster. It might feel instinctual to hold tightly onto something so you won't lose it but this can often have the opposite effect.
Men, on the other hand, tend to pull away in response to these feelings. When women see men pulling away for them, they often times will panic or blame themselves. This can lead to them beating themselves up and obsessing over all of the details. Often worried that they did something wrong, they will reach out to the man to try to figure out what happened. These insecurities can be read as neediness by the man, and BANG! ...They pull away even more.
We all have insecurities in many areas of our lives and relationships are no exception! It is important to try to worry less and trust more. DON'T PANIC! Trust your heart.
Another important thing to remember is that life isn't a movie. You aren't going to run into his arms in slow motion. There isn't going to be a montage of perfect little moments. He isn't going to speak to you in poetry that makes your heart soar. The only thing that is guaranteed in love is that it isn't going to be perfect. But that's what love is... Sometimes, it's saying and doing the wrong thing and sometimes it's messy. Love is perfectly imperfect and the right one for you will be there with you through it all.
Maybe you'll have an aha moment or maybe it will be a collection of moments that show you what you need to know. When you look to the future, you can't picture it without him. That's how you know your guys is the right guy for you.
Want to learn more about this topic? Watch this video for great insights from John Gray, author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus":
Wondering if you would be a good fit for coaching with me? Book A complimentary 15 minute strategy session with me HERE and find out. Let's get you a high quality man that will be yours forever.
- Mike Goldstein
- Nov 2, 2017
- 3 min read
I remember in the early stages of my relationship with Kelly (my GF) we would go on long weekend trips away and have the most magical time ever. We would de-stress from work, have cocktails, go out to nice dinners, and just enjoy each other's company. However, we would come back on Monday and head to work.
I would go straight to full on work mode and totally focus on work. I wouldn't message her, call her, or really do anything because I was so focused on work.
If she didn't hear from me for a day or two it would drive her bonkers. She would be thinking, "WTF! We just had this magical weekend together, got so close to each other, and now that we are back into town Mike goes MIA. Why do men do this!!!!!???"
Well, I made a video that explains why and also what to do to get your manto come back. Check it out here:
So let's finish the discussion about Kelly and I. Should Kelly just accept that I don't talk to her or should I realize that Kelly wants to hear from me and start making the effort?
Well the answer is simple. Kelly and I needed to sit down and discuss each other needs. We also needed to be really curious about each other. For example, "Kelly, why do you want to hear from me?" "Well Mike, I felt like we just had the best time together and I really opened up to you and showed you my heart. However, when we come home and I don't hear from you, I wonder if 1. maybe you didn't have as good a time as me or you are starting to have 2nd thoughts about our relationship?"
In response, of course I would say, "I love our relationship and had the best time ever, thank you for sharing why you want to hear from me. I absolutely don't want you to feel that way and we will have to come up with a game plan for the future."
Next, it is Kelly's job to get curious with me. "Mike, I love how focused you are with work and really admire what you do. How come after a long weekend together I don't hear from you?"
My response. "I am sorry about that. I am a wildly singularly focused person. When I am with you, I am with you. When I am at work, I am working. When I get wrapped up in work, I guess it slips my mind to reach out to you."
In response, Kelly could say, "That makes total sense and I certainly don't want to bother you while working. However, you would make me feel so special if during a break you would shoot me a quick text or phone call to say hello."
Wowzers, how cool of a conversation was that? It came from a genuinely curious place and lead to both parties learning more about the partner. Instead of an escalated conversation where I could have said, "Ugh, I am working. Would you just leave me alone. I just spend 72 straight hours with you! Give me a break."
Or she could have said, "Mike, you never call me. I feel like all you care about is work. I wish you cared about me as much as you cared about work."
So what did we learn from all this?
GET CURIOUS! Any fight or argument is not really a fight. It is an opportunity to 1. learn how to express yourself better 2. a chance to learn more about your partner.
When you come from a place of curiosity and love, you and your partner will be able to find solutions that will be mindful of what both parties want.
Now, let's chat about why men pull away?
1. They crave independence
2. They crave completing tasks
3. Maybe the two of you just spent a lot of time together and he needs time away
Need more explanation than just these 3 bullet points, WELL WATCH THIS VIDEO!
What Should You Do When Your Guy Disappears?
Go have fun! When he comes back, don't give him shit. Instead say, "I am so happy to see you, get your but over here and give me a kiss." If you do this, he will be excited to come back to you and next time he needs space he will feel safe to come back and may also come back quicker knowing you will be receptive to see him.
Well, welcome into Kelly and I's relationship. I really got personal in this article, huh? Hope the advice helped because if Kelly finds this article I may get "the look." HaHa
See you guys next time!
- Pauline Plott
- Sep 20, 2017
- 4 min read
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A relationship, like most other things in life, happens in stages.
Each one builds on the last and they are a vital part of getting to the ultimate goal of most relationships: a lifetime together.
Understanding what stage you're in is important because it can help you determine whether or not you are moving forward and perhaps whether you even want to.
Listed below are the five stages that couples go through.
1. The Honeymoon Stage
Once you get past online matchmaking and the first few awkward dates, you enter the first stage of a relationship. Often referred to as the puppy love stage, this is the least real part of any relationship.
That’s because your infatuation with this newfound person blinds you to their flaws. This is not your fault, however. It’s just nature’s way of getting two people together in order to ensure they lay proper foundations that will be crucial later on.
In this stage you will talk every day and perhaps see one another just as often. You will ignore some things that you dislike in favor of ensuring that your partner can remain on a pedestal for as long as possible.
This period generally lasts a few months...
2. The Post-Honeymoon Stage
...And then, suddenly, your partner begins to lose their luster. Of course, you still like them (and perhaps even “love” them), but you start taking notice of their flaws and the things they do to get on your nerves.
It’s also during this stage that you begin to realize how much work it takes to maintain a relationship.
This stage results in a lot of breakups because in it people begin to consider whether the person they’re with actually meets their needs and desires. Often times, despite a strong emotional connection, people realize that the relationship might be dying.
3. The Steady Stage
If you’ve made it to the steady stage, congratulations! The post-honeymoon phase is one of the most difficult to conquer and once you do it, it means that you’re ready for true romance.
No longer are you driven by your lust, but rather by a deep love for your partner. Instead of formal dates, you are okay with hanging out with each other at home, watching TV or just eating casual meals together.
During this stage you will probably meet the parents and know all of your partner’s friends, all of whom probably find your little ‘couple-y’ idiosyncrasies extremely annoying!
4. The Comfortable Stage
The comfortable stage is both pleasant and dangerous.
It’s the stage where you can just be yourself without hiding any of your quirks or habits. If you wear makeup, you’re probably no longer compelled to do so in front of your partner. Everything just clicks as it should and you feel like it can last forever.
But therein lies the danger. At this point in a relationship, people become content. They often take their partner for granted and might even stop considering their needs and future plans. This usually isn’t done intentionally, it’s simply a result of relationship satisfaction.
This stage concludes with the final stage...
5. The Commitment Stage
After all of that time and effort, you’re finally in a relationship that works so well that you begin considering the future.
For some couples that future might involve marriage, for others, it’s just moving in together. No matter what it is, it’s a sign of full commitment to your partner.
This is the final stage of your relationship as two people dating and the beginning of something perhaps even more complex, but ultimately, much more rewarding, meaningful, and - dare I say it - beautiful.
I would like to end this article by reminding the reader that no relationship follows a perfect timeline and that having expectations or desires to move something that is still immature or unready move forward can be unhealthy.
That said, keep an eye out for the signs and you will find that your relationship has likely followed these predictable, yet important and meaningful stages.
From Your EZ Dating Coach - Mike Goldstein
These stages are spot on for the typical relationship. However, one very important thing to note is that if you get to any stage and feel like you didn't adequately experience one of the prior stages it is okay to take a step or two backwards. Your path doesn't need to be a straight line and based on a specific time frame. Every relationship is different and every person is different so no relationship formula will work for everyone. Thus feel free to make it to stage 4 and then head back to stage 2 or start talking about things in stage 5 but if you realize you need more time to work on the relationship head back to stage 4.
Anyway, happy dating folks, be good to your partner!
About the Author
Pauline Plott is a London-based blogger who became a dating guru after learning the psychology behind modern romance and signing up for every dating website in pursuit of relationship bliss. She shares her reviews and opinions on DatingSpot.co.uk.
