You Need To Know These Dirty Little Secrets BEFORE You Sleep With Him
Have you ever slept with a guy, and ended up regretting it? Maybe, he was not looking for a relationship. Maybe you weren’t ready to be sexual yet. Maybe, you wanted sex to be with someone special and it ended up just being another guy. Or maybe you really liked him, weren’t ready to have sex, but didn’t know how to say no.
Regardless of why you regretted it, I don’t want you to EVER feel that way again.
So I compiled the ultimate checklist for us to run through so we only sleep with men who are legitimate contenders for a serious committed relationship and is an activity to enhance the intimacy, NOT be the perfect bandaid for what LONG TERM will be an unfulfilling relationship.
We are getting started right now on the 5 things you need to know before you sleep with him. Make sure you stick around for the 5th one because that one may be the most important.
What Does He Want?
If you want to drive to Saks 5th Avenue, (not know how to get there), you don’t just get in your car and head north. You go to google maps, find it, and then hit start directions.
Dating shouldn’t be different than getting directions from google. You don’t just randomly date any man and just assume he wants the same things as you.
Instead you should be proactive. If you are still chatting with a man on the dating app, on date 1, date 2, or whenever you want, ask him “What are you looking for?”
“If he says, a relationship. Say Great.
If you are debating sleeping with him, make sure he says, “that he wants a relationship with you.”
If he says a relationship in general, that may be his loop hole to get laid by saying what you want to hear but still technically being honest. So please make sure you get clarification. (Sadly, I see men do this quite often and I don’t want to see this happen to you).
2. He Makes You Feel Comfortable and Safe - Think about the rated R guy you have dated that maybe you feel excitement and thrill around, certainly crazy sexual attraction towards. Maybe part of the excitement is you don’t 100% know what is going to happen but he is crazy charming. This will not meet check list standards and could end up in regret.
Instead, perhaps the PG13 guy who is intellectually stimulating, great at conversation, willing to introduce you to friends and family, holds the door for you, helps you with your coat, and walks you to your car in the dark parking garage, among many other gestures and positive affirmations he sends your way. Perhaps he is a better fit long term for jumping into bed with.
3. Which leads me to number 3 - You Have the Same Values - Which also consists of choosing a man based on compatibility over chemistry.
Some examples of values to explore with a potential partner include
How they value money, do they believe in a clean house, are they minamalists or enjoy lots of things, what religion are they, what political party are they, what is there view on family, do they value work or free time, what are there top 3 priorities in life - do they align with yours. How do they argue, is yelling allowed? What level of sexual exploration are they into. Do they believe in one partner or multiple partners? Do they lean more towards nurturing or obedience when raising children. And so much more.
With my clients, I make them fill out 36 boundaries they may have in regards to values. Now it may be difficult to find out all these values from a partner by just chatting. I would suggest taking the necessary time getting to know someone and watching their actions over time to see what their values truly are.
4. He Understands and Wants to Deliver What You Want - For example: A lot of women assume after having sex that they are now exlclusive with this man. A lot of men, assume, wow that was fun, and then may have sex with another woman later that week and think he did nothing wrong.
Now, in my opinion, neither one of these people did anything wrong UNLESS you have discussed it. In this example, if you want sharing a bed with someone to be special, make sure you discuss your expectations after spending the evening together. If he is interested in you, he will have no problem agreeing that you are the only woman for him. Do you trust him when he says you will be the only one?
If you are not sure if you can trust him, maybe you should postpone the sleepover for when you are sure?
And now finally, the most important piece of the checklist.
Number 5. You Have the Same Purpose with Sex - Some of you are sleeping together for physical enjoyment, some are having sex to take the relationship to the next level, some are having sex to move to exclusivity, while others feel intimacy with their partner and want to take that to even higher forms of pleasure. Or maybe you are hoping to build an even more intense emotional and spiritual bond with your partner.
If you are both aligned in what you want to achieve and all the other points on the checklist have been checked then you can make better decisions on who you sleep with and when you sleep with them.
So, on your next courting experience I encourage to check off these 5 items and never again regret who you have sex with.
Happy hunting my friends, stay safe and have amazing sex with fabulous deserving men.