Should You Be Listening to Your Girlfriends in Regards to Dating Advice?

I remember when I was a 15 year old boy, and yes I will use the word boy even though I supposedly turned into a man at age 13 (Bar Mitzvah) I got my dating advice from my close friends. My closest friend, Joe, would always tell me that you can't be nice to women. You need to command them, put them down, and show your raw dominance over them. At the time I had to think his words had merit because he always seemed to do very well with women. (Obviously, later in life I learned he was full of shit) Anyway, him and I would partner up and head to the mall to hit on women.

One of us would approach, typically taking turns to initiate conversation. Once we thought the women were receptive to having a conversation, we would both talk to them. Joe would dominate conversation and would make fun of me. I would pretend to be sad, one woman would comfort me while the other woman would laugh. The girl that would laugh would be Joe's, while the woman that was sympathetic would be mine. This strategy worked quite well and suited our personalities.

However, obviously this "routine" was not entirely genuine and of course did little in terms of building a true connection and facilitating actually getting to know each other. Thus, this strategy would need to evolve.

Anyway, I probably told this story because it made me feel nostalgic of the fun of hitting on strangers at a mall. But, why is this story valuable for you? It shows that advice from friends can be good and/or bad. In this case, my friend's advice, in the short term of picking up women was probably half decent. But, in the long term, including karma, and building true intimacy, it was disingenuous and not helpful for me or the women I courted.

So, in order to help you decide if your friend's dating advice is any good, I have decided to over generalize but put your friends into two buckets: "Yes" Friends and "Guardian" Friends:

1. The "Yes" Friend - The yes friend simply tells you whatever you want to hear. You get a bad haircut, she tells you, "Wow, I love your haircut. You look amazing!" You have a boyfriend or potential boyfriend that you like and clearly doesn't treat you how to deserve to be treated the yes friend says, "Yea, you are right, give him a second chance." The yes friend is a valuable friend for boosting your ego and having less stressful conversations but she is not a person to get advice from. (At least if you are looking for a honest opinion)

2. The "Guardian" Friend - The guardian friend is 1. your protector and 2. holds you accountable when you do something wrong. This friend has probably known you for a long time and when she sees a current/potential boyfriend not treating you well, you better believe she is going to tell you about it. When the guardian speaks, you better at least listen because she truly has your best interests at heart.

However, in regards to YOUR relationship. It is your decision. My advice is don't rate the quality of the guy, rate the quality of the relationship. If he treats you well, move forward, if he doesn't treat you well, demand better and if he gives you better, awesome! If he doesn't, maybe it is time to move on.

Bottom line, it is okay to listen to all you friends and even listen to the words you find on the internet. But, at the end of the day, you decide what advice is right for you. Some advice will be applicable and helpful, while other advice will not be helpful. Either way, trust yourself and do the best you can. If things with a current boyfriend are meant to be, they will be. If they are not meant to be, that is fine too.

4 Signs He Actually Likes You and Won't Disappear

When you live with a partner, you see them every day. You can choose to communicate with each other at almost any time. If you are unsure of something, or something is bothering you, you simply ask your partner and talk it through.

However, if you are in the single world then none of this is quite possible just yet. When you are dating someone new you may see that person once per week or even less. Also, you are probably not talking every day. Because of the amount of communication in new relationships and the fact that you don't know each other well yet there can be lots of confusion in regards to intentions, life goals, and overall compatibility.

So since we can't bundle 2-3 years of dating/communicating with each other into some magic potion I did build a system that is quite accurate at telling you if your guy is serious about you.

Ready to see the system?

Learn It In This Video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1ekC9ab4BU

Here Are The 4 Signs He Actually Likes you and Won't Disappear

1. He Makes Future Plans With You - Imagine if it is January and together you book a vacation to Costa Rica in June. He wouldn't book this vacation, put his money at risk unless he was sure that he wanted to still be dating you by June.

2. He Introduces you to Friends and Family - If he is bringing you home to meet mom and dad. He is serious about you. If his mom is anything like mine, even a small whiff of a girl in my life means at least 45 minutes of questions. Thus, I never bring up a woman unless I am serious about that woman. I bet your guy practicing the same principle, unless he is a momma's boy, which is a whole other story.

Now, imagine if he is taking you home to meet family? You are in! High five.

3. He Does things with or for you that he doesn't want to do - If on Saturday, instead of relaxing he is going with you to Macy's to shop, which is most likely not his favorite activity then he is doing this because he wants to make you happy. If he sacrifices his own happiness for yours, you better believe he is doing this because he sees a future with you. Of course, he needs to decide to do these things, on his own, if you force him, he is going to disappear. It might not happen this week, or month, but I promise eventually he is going to be gone.

In order to cover all my bases. How do you invite him to activities? Say this:

"You would make me the happiest woman in the world if you would come to Macy's with me on Saturday." Now you allow him to respond. If he says, "yes." You say, "thank you so much, you are best!"

Finally, on Saturday make sure to thank him and maybe even tell him, "wow, you are such an amazing guy. I can't believe how sweet you are to come shopping with me on your Saturday. Thank you so much."

Side note: If you give me the praise stated above, I might go to Macy's with you ever Saturday. Men LOVE when their woman is happy. The Happy wife, Happy Life mantra is alive and well.

Finally, make sure to ask for what you want. Men are not mindreaders but actually LOVE when you give them a roadmap to your happiness. (We hate guessing what you want to do.)

4. He Takes You On 5 Plus Dates Without Get The Cookie - Let's over generalize but assume men are looking for sex and find love, while women are looking for love and find sex. In this case, the guy is looking for sex, doesn't receive it on date 1, 2, 3, and so on. Why does he keep asking you out? Well, around date 5 plus, most likely he found something special about you. He thinks there may be a future.

I put the number of dates at 5 because men may be willing to wait four dates to get laid. But, if a man is purely looking for sex, he most likely will give up before 5 dates. Reason being, there is most likely another woman out there who is willing to have sex with less effort. However, if he makes it to date 5 plus with you, he is intrigued and wants to keep exploring with you.

You now know the signs of a man that likes you. If your guy are doing these four things he is in it with you. Now just have a blast with him, get to know him, and figure out if he is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

How Men Fall In Love

I am going to simplify and generalize so we can understand a point that holds true for "most" men and women. Please understand, of course there are outliers. Men are looking for sex and find love. Women are looking for love and find sex. Somewhere in the middle of these two paradigms men and women join forces to have sex and be in love. In the following video I am going to walk you through How Men Fall In Love and unmask how two red flags may not be red flags.

Here is the video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFfrd8la61o

Here are the Two Red Flags:

1. Men Wanting Sex Is NOT A Red Flag - No, No, No! It isn't. Men wanting to have sex with you is a good thing. It is simply telling you that he has some level of attraction to you. It is not saying he wants to get married or even wants a relationship. It is simply telling you that he finds you pretty.

Now, how will you use this to your advantage?

If he is trying to have sex with you, tell him, "I am so flattered! However, I don't jump into bed until 1. I get to know you better and 2. we are in an exclusive relationship. Are you okay with that?" If he says yes, ask him a question about something you are interested in. Assuming he is able to get back to getting to know each other and continues to ask you on future dates you may be in good shape with this guy.

Bottom line, if a guy asks you out for 5 plus dates, over 97.5% of time he is interested in more than just sex. Men that are just looking for sex, WILL NOT SPEND THE TIME AND MONEY TO TAKE YOU OUT 6 TIMES. The guy who wants sex will find someone that takes less work.

If I told you that you could make 1 million dollars per year working one hour per week or working 40 hours per week, which would you do? Of course you would work one hour per week. Well, this analogy is no different. The guy wants less than 5 dates for sex as opposed to 6 dates or more for sex. However, if he realizes you are fantastic and worth getting to know better, well 6+ dates is worth the effort.

2. Men Asking You To Be Monogamous on Date 2 is NOT a Red Flag - As a dating coach, nothing drives me crazier when I hear a client complaining that a guy asked to be exclusive too early with her. My response is typically, "Are you nuts? I am so sorry that a man likes you so much that he wants to date you and nobody else. That sounds so terrible for you!"

Yes, I will validate that asking a woman to be exclusive on date 2 is way too early. Both parties barely know each other. However, if you boil it down, the man is saying, "Hey, I really like you and want to focus on just you. I want to get to know you better and don't need other women around to distract me." This is a huge compliment and should be taken as such.

However, since you barely know each other I would suggest being honest with him. Honestly tell him, "You are so sweet! I like you too. However, I don't feel like we truly know each other yet. How about we got on some more dates, continue to get to know each other and if you still feel the same way down the road we can re-visit this issue?"

Boom! How simple was that? Now, you can keep dating him and other men if you so choose. If both of you truly like each other after 5+ dates then both of you can revisit the exclusivity issue.

So I just re-read this and I am not entirely sure I answered the question at hand. How Do Men Fall In Love?

So let's fix that immediately. Each man is looking for 5 qualities that he finds important. Each man has different qualities he is interested in. On date one or two ask, "What qualities are you looking for in your next relationship?"

If he explicitly says he needs someone who loves to workout and you are huge cross fit person than that is a good sign. However, if he wants something you don't have, perhaps this question may save both of you the same time. On the flip side, hopefully you get to share with him what you want. I find this question does a few things. 1. It allows you to get past surface level questions and truly get to know each other and 2. It allows you to save time and figure out if the person is right for you. Most importantly sharing your top 5 and using this system allows you to evaluate potential partners on compatibility instead of muddying the water by using chemistry to pick your partner.

Chemistry is a wonderful thing, but it can also be the cause of keeping very incompatible people together. Fortunately, you are smart and know to find a man based on your perfect man list instead of chemistry.

Wondering how to build your perfect man list? GO HERE to learn. Spoiler alert. It is only two steps and takes under 15 minutes to create. Even though it is so easy to make, you will literally use this list all the time. After every single first date you will review your list to determine if the guy makes the cut for a 2nd date. What are you still reading for? Go Build your list with the directions from HERE.