Speaking The Right Love Language Is The Key To Relationship Success


Different people speak different languages when it comes to love. The key is understanding what languages your partner speaks, then fulfilling them the right way.

My girlfriend, for example, wants to spend time with me while I just want her to tell me she loves me. Between dates at the beginning of our relationship I would constantly tell her how amazing she is and that I was crazy about her. Although she appreciated the words, it was more meaningful to her if I went into NYC on a Wednesday night for couples BYOB painting class. (Great date by the way!)

The point is, every person has different preferences when it comes to showing and receiving love. Below are 5 love languages discussed in a book I read by Gary Chapman to help you determine what your 2 primary languages are.

1. Words of Affirmation

  • Encouragement - friends says "I want to lose weight." You say, "If you decide to do it I know you will succeed because you are the kind of person who accomplishes goals."

  • Praise - "you did an excellent job"

  • Kind Words - what we say and manner in which we say it. Ex: "I love you vs. I love you?" People interpret our message by our tone of voice, not the words we use.

2. Physical Touch - Self explanatory

3. Quality Time

  • Sympathetic Listener -

Do: maintain eye contact, ask questions,

Don't: provide solutions, roll eyes, take person's topic and talk about how it relates to you

  • Express Understanding - "I can see how you would feel that way. If I were in your shoes, I'm sure I would feel the same way"

  • Ask If you could do anything helpful

4. Acts of Service

  • Do these things because you want to, not because you’re forced

5. Gifts

  • If you are a saver and your partner is a spender. You must spend as an investment in your love for her.

Next Steps:

I would suggest implementing the love languages by first determining what your parent’s are. Once you determine that, you can attempt to speak their language and see how it affects your relationship with them.

For example, if your father is words of affirmation, thank him for being an amazing dad the next time you speak to him and see how he reacts to your compliment.

Moving forward, I would suggest in all relationships (business, personal, or love) figure out what language the person speaks and attempt to fulfill those needs. In return watch all your relationships blossom.

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