When you are upset and love someone, emotions are high and it can be very difficult to have a calm rational discussion. For most of us, logic goes out the window, defenses kick in and listening, understanding, and real solutions rarely take place.
In my opinion, once the train is off the tracks it is very difficult to re-rail it. Unfortunately, you just need to let the crash happen and then pick up the pieces after. However, many of these train collisions can be easily avoided.
Here are the steps:
1. Disregard Fights on Topics That Are Not Important - Life is too short, Enjoy each other
2. If you must Fight, If the topic is Not Important, Even if you know you are right, tell the other person they are right and let them "win"
3. Discuss Plans to Avoid Fights (Perform this When Happy With Each Other)
For example: When I get mad, I need to be far away from the person and when I am ready to chat with that person, my emotions will be back at normal levels and I will be able to have a loving conversation. Thus, if I notice I am getting mad, I will tell my gf, "I love you, I am getting upset, I am going to head to the gym and once I cool down we can discuss this"
If I told her this in the midst of an argument, she would probably not be happy that I was leaving while she wants to talk. Fortunately, we have discussed prior to our fight that I am not capable of being her loving, caring, active listening boyfriend when I am mad. Thus, she knows it is best for both of us if she waits to have our hard conversations when I am more open to truly listening to her.
Another example of a fight I have had is the following: My girlfriend hates when I look at my phone during our quality time together. I totally agree with her that my behavior is annoying but unfortunately it is a habit at this point. But, together we came up with a solution.
If she is really getting bothered by it, she is going to ask me to have the 10 foot rule. This means I put my phone 10 feet away and thus will only go get it if I truly need it for something, not to google why glue doesn't stick inside the container.
On her side, if she sees me using my phone, she will occasionally pick hers up and read articles. These two solution for the phone are new so I will keep you posted if they work.
In order to reiterate, attempt to have serious discussions only when both parties are in the right mental state to have the discussion, avoid fighting on minute topics, and finally if a fight happens on an inconsequential topic let the other person "win".
Mike Goldstein
The first step to finding a person to love is loving yourself. The key to that, in my opinion, revolves around being happy most of the time and finding balance between the 6 major pillars of Happiness.
6 Pillars of Happiness
Why do you need balance?
A person with balance always has multiple pillars to lean on when one isn't doing well. Of course some pillars are more important than others. But as long as you have balance in your life, you will be able to positively look to a different pillar when another one is imploding.
How does this relate to finding love?
Men are attracted to women who have it together. When a man sees a woman who is educated, healthy, has an active social life, is spiritually in tune with the world and has a good career, he will fall all over himself to pursue her.
I know at times we can all be pulled towards one pillar or another and focus solely on that. But try to maintain balance in 2016. It will make you happier, help you love yourself and in turn make others more attracted to you.
Mike Goldstein
A few months ago I was sitting on a girls bed, we just had a great day date, we walked around the upper west side. Then grabbed a drink at a trendy specialty cocktail bar. Next, we grabbed a quick dinner and then we retreated back to her apartment to relax and watch a movie.
All day I had been thinking about how I was crazy about the girl and quite simply I would be happy to stop dating other women and just focus on her. However, in the past I was always the quintessential Mr. Indecisive and sometimes could take 3-6 months of casual dating until I asked a girl to be exclusive.
Anyway, on her bed, on that evening, I was jumping out of the plane with no chute and was going for it. I asked her if she would like to be exclusive.
Her response, "I am flattered, but are you asking me just so I will have sex with you?"
This made me realize we have 2 Major Problems in the Dating World:
1. Women sometimes perceive men as willing to do anything to get laid
2. MEN NEED TO STOP LYING ABOUT THEIR TRUE INTENTIONS
I am going to focus on #2 first because that drives me crazy for 2 Reasons:
1. You get what you ask for
2. If you are honest you get laid more often!!!!!!!!!
Dear Men,
Confidence is sexy. Tell a woman you are speaking to her because she is beautiful, sexy, fun to talk to, and ultimately you would like to have sex with her but are not looking for a relationship. Since you are being honest there is a good chance she will APPRECIATE your honesty and confidence and continued to be intrigued by what you are offering, which in this case is purely SEX.
Dear Ladies,
When it comes to a man asking for your hand in an exclusive relationship, we mean it. Especially, if you make us work for it. If we have went on the trouble to go on 5+ dates, we are continuing to date you because we like you. Very few men are willing to go on 5+ dates just to get laid. The man who wants to get laid will convince some girl at a bar, go on tinder, or do anything that involves less effort.
The man looking for a meaningful relationship, goes on dates, asks questions about you, wants to meet your family and friends, plans the future with you, and simply gets to know you. This same man, when he is ready will ask you to be monogamous.
Ladies, Men do not ask women for exclusivity to get laid. Men ask women for monogamy because they are convinced they have met their queen, their vision of the perfect woman. Enjoy it, be flattered, and if you feel the same way, accept his proposal.
Happy Dating,
Mike
Ready to find a man that knows with 100% certainty that you are his perfect woman? Setup a 15 minute phone strategy session with me to start the process of finding love now. I can be booked at https://mikegoldstein.youcanbook.me/