We are dealing with an epidemic in today's world. The epidemic is effecting both men and women. The epidemic has positive aspects but also has some negative aspects. Let's talk about this epidemic. The epidemic is that women have entered the work force and they are kicking butt. This is great because, smart women helping companies, means more profit and better products. But this is bad because women are often asked to act like men while at work. This process can be exhausting. Women come home and they are tired and sometimes have a difficult time of transitioning back into their normal state of acting like a female.
So what happens when a woman acts like a man? The woman is fiercely independent, does everything herself, but lacks receiving support. When a woman doesn't receive support, she doesn't feel whole.
What happens to men when women are super independent. They no longer feel needed. Let's dive into this. Back in the day, men used to hunt, slay dragons, and other manly things that involved protecting their women. Now, men don't get to slay dragons and thus need to find new ways to protect. One hundred years ago, men were typically the only income provider and thus felt satisfaction in bringing home the bacon. However, now women are also working and they no longer get to feel needed in regards to providing financial security.
So what does all this mean?
1. Gender lines are being blurred at home and at work and both sexes are confused
2. Women are exhausted
3. Men don't feel as useful as they used to
How do we fix these problems?
Before we solve the problem. Let's define the three types of confident woman. Best described in this video:
Three Types of Confident Women:
1. I Can't Do Anything Woman - Lacks Confidence
2. I Can Do Everything Woman or Anything He Can Do, I Can Do Better - Remember the Mia Hamm vs. Michael Jordan commercials? This woman is super woman and literally can and will do everything. This could be the single mom, this could be the single woman with the big career, fancy car and house, and amazing family.
3. I Can Do Everything But I Ask For Help Too - This woman is enlightened, smart, and truly gets it. This woman realizes we have an epidemic. She realizes that when she does everything herself she will be exhausted. But, instead when she asks a man for help, she gets two birds with one stone. She gets her man to feel needed and she alleviates her own stress of having to do everything. She feels supported.
So back to how do we fix the epidemic?
Simple. Women need to get comfortable asking for help. They need to ask for help, not because they need it, but because men need it and quite frankly wouldn't it be awesome to have your guy help you with things?
Let's talk examples so you can start executing immediately.
Let's say you go grab a coffee with your guy but you forgot to get sugar. I can do everything woman would just go get herself. But, I ask for help too woman would say, "would you mind getting me two packs of sugar."
Guy feels needed and says, "sure."
He comes back and you say, "Thank you so much, you are so great at taking care of me."
GUY FEELS LIKE A MILLION BUCKS AND ACTUALLY SUCCESSFUL AT BEING A
BOYFRIEND. (Man's largest insecurity is always being a crappy boyfriend)
If you are consistently telling him he is doing a good job that is the equivalent of him telling you, "wow you look amazing in those jeans."
To recap, if you really want to take strength and confidence to the next level, it is not doing everything yourself. It is getting your man to do things for you even though you are more than capable of doing it yourself.
Men are typically the ones notorious for saying "stupid things" but my articles are mostly geared towards women at the moment so ladies get ready to learn what words should never leave your mouth if you want to get and keep a man forever.
Without further ado, either watch this video on this topic or read below:
1. "Nothing is wrong, I am fine." - Men are not mind readers. Tell us what is wrong, if we care about you, we will try to fix it or at least show you compassion and give you support.
2. "Stop, just let me do it!" - First, this sounds like something a mother would say. We know you don't want to be his mom. Second, the male ego is very fragile, if you elude to him not being capable well he will not feel very good on the inside.
3. "I hate when you do that, my EX would never do that." - In order to make a man feel like he is greatest and only man on the planet for you, you need to NEVER compare him to other men. As far and you and him are concerned, he is the only man on the planet in regards of a romantic relationship.
4. "Size Matters" - We just talked about this! Men have fragile egos, especially fragile on something he can't control. It is not like he can eat 2 lbs of Holland Eggplants every week and after 4 months it grows an inch. Not going to happen. But what may happen, is your man shrinks inside himself by learning he may not be large enough to make you fully happy.
So bottom line, don't compare your man to other men, share with him what you need to be happy in the relationship, and finally be supportive when he is trying to accomplishing things with encouragement instead of stealing his thunder and doing it for him. There you have it, some pretty easy stop to keep your relationship moving forward without hiccups.
It is no secret that getting men to open up, show emotion, or talk about their feelings is basically the equivalent of getting the Red Sea to part. It is no easy task. For whatever reason, on average men use about 7,000 words per day while women use about 20,000. So based on this data point, it is clear on average men are less expressive than women. However, there is a way to get men to talk about their feelings. I wanted to outline that process for you today because nothing is sexier than a man who confidently expresses himself and is able to open up.
1. Make A Safe Place For Him To Be Himself
No men is ever going to tell you what he is feeling until he knows you 1. are not going to judge him and 2. are going to accept him for whatever he says. You do this by telling him you are okay with all the things other women were not huge fans of.
For example, if he plays video games once a week, or watches some strange program on television the best thing you can do is encourage him to do these things. After he finishes he will remember how awesome you are, and how different you are from every other woman and hopefully reward you with date nights or at least step up and attempt to make you equally happy.
Step 2. When Both Parties are Upset/Sad - Ask him to share why he is feeling a certain way?
Men hate conflict. Men want women happy all the time. However, that is impossible. Everyone has a down day. But, when you are mad, he wants you to be happy. Tell him, "If you can explain what you are feeling/thinking that will make me feel better." You are challenging him to open up but are giving him a reward at the end of the tunnel. All he needs to do is explain his inner workings and you will start to feel better. Now, once he explains himself do number three.
Step 3. Tell Him, "I feel so much better now and feel great understanding you better"
He is thinking, wow that was easy. I talked for a little bit and all of a sudden we are not arguing. My girlfriend/wife is happy again. That was simple (Men love solving problems). Which leads us to:
Step 4. Appreciate him for being so open, vulnerable and tell him:
"You made me so happy that you are comfortable enough to share your feelings." -
Once again, keep re-enforcing his good behavior. It is vital that he fully understands that in the future if he share his emotions he will 1. be accepted for them, 2. be able to alleviate fights, and 3. be appreciated for his amazing communication skills.
There you have it ladies. You are never going to turn your husband into the communicator your best girlfriend is but with the 4 step process outlined above you can certainly positively reinforce your man into expressing his feelings in a far superior manner than what he may currently be doing.