It was Wednesday night in Manhattan, towards the end of summer, and the air was balmy. I was lying atop my bed, fully clothed, facing the guy I’d met online a few months prior. Tonight was our sixth date. We’d just got back from a delicious dinner at the Vietnamese place next to my apartment.
Six dates was no easy feat in New York. In my experience, budding romances tended to drop off around the two to four date mark. I was thrilled to have met a man who I wanted to continue getting to know, who liked me back. It was nice to lie quietly and comfortably next to him, belly full of Pho.
I told him that I was writing an article (this one), about messages that guys were really into, and asked if he had any ideas. To my surprise, he immediately recounted a handful of the messages I’d sent him that had struck a chord, and made him want to take things further. Here’s what they were:
1. COMPLIMENT HIM
I wrote: “You Seem Lovely”
Using the word ‘lovely’ was particularly British of me, but the main point is, he loved being complimented. What man doesn’t want to be told that he’s hot, funny, or has great hair? I get an especially high response rate online when I open a conversation by telling a guy how cute he looks in his pictures. Compliments make people feel good, and people always want more of what feels good.
Anything complimentary works, but make sure it’s genuine, and try not to overdo it. There’s no need to stop the compliments flowing when you start dating – flattery works wonders at all stages of relationships.
2. RAISE A SHARED INTEREST
I wrote: “Have you seen the Calder exhibition at the Whitney?”
One of his dating profile pictures was baseball related, which I knew nothing about, and another was at Storm King sculpture gallery – where I’d been, and loved. Rather than asking an obvious question (“so you like art”?), I made it specific. This conveyed that a) I also liked art, and b) I had new and exciting ideas. It also planted the seed for a fab second date…
Whether it’s a hobby you’ve picked up on from his online profile, or just something you know he’s into, bring it up. Ideally, choose something you’re also a fan of (or at least curious about), as you’ll have more to say about it. Not sure what his jam is? Ask him! He’ll be pleased you want to know.
3. DON’T BE AFRAID TO BE DIRECT
I wrote: “Here’s my number, lets go out”
This was his all time favorite message of mine. He loved that I took initiative, and didn’t wait passively for him to do the asking. It said that I was keen, a sure thing, and didn’t want to play games… it also implied that I had better things to do than to waste time (which I did).
Try throwing old-school stereotypes out the window and tell him you like him. Don’t hesitate to move things along to an in-person date – momentum is key. If he asked you out the first time, make the move to suggest date number two. If he’s feeling you, he’ll love the forwardness; if he’s not, it’s better to find out sooner. No matter what, he’ll be flattered.
4. SHOW YOU WERE LISTENING
I wrote: “Good luck with the presentation today”
He thought it was amazing that not only had I paid attention to his big upcoming presentation, but that I was sweet enough to send him a message the morning of. He said that this was one of the moments he knew he really liked me.
Make an effort to remember what he tells you, and proactively reference previous messages or face to face conversations. It shows that you listen, that you’re thoughtful, that you’re bright, and most importantly – that you care.
5. BUILD ANTICIPATION
I wrote: “I can’t wait to see you later”
Who wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of this message? He told me it conveyed that I was thinking about him, and was enthusiastic about our time together. It also suggested a sense of urgency and passion, which was hot.
This message can be adapted to incorporate just about anything you ‘can’t wait’ to do with him later – be as risque as you dare! Everyone loves something to look forward to…
When he relaid these five messages, at first I was underwhelmed. Was this not common sense? Apparently not. He said I’d be surprised how few love prospects ever messaged him this way. I wondered why…
My first hypothesis was that some women still think men should put in the upfront effort, and do all the message wooing. Well people; it’s 2017, and I think that’s plain lazy – not to mention it reinforces unhelpful, female disempowering gender norms.
My second hypothesis was that in today’s tech-heavy, fast-paced, choice-laden society, many don’t bother to communicate thoughtfully and consistently. Attention spans are shortening, and we are quick to move onto the next thing, or person. People just don’t have the patience to nurture new relationships via messaging.
I believe messaging can make or break a fledgling romance, and that sending considered, personal and positive messages is your best-chance approach. He will love any message that makes him feel special, interesting, heard, or desired. Wouldn’t you? Ensuring your zesty texts stand out in his inbox is a surefire ticket into love territory.
On that note, I’m off to write an important message… a suggestion for date number seven:
Hey handsome (1). Is the week as crazy as you feared? (4) I’m keen to pick up some cherries at the market you told me about (2). Free Saturday…? (3) Looking forward to seeing you again *insert blushing smiley face or cherry emoji here* (5).
Simple, right? Remember: a little effort goes a long way in the messaging universe.
About Your Author
Amelia is a British dating & lifestyle blogger, living her New York dream. Think Carrie Bradshaw but raunchier, and a lot more Jewish. Follow her blog, She Made the Move, for tempting tips on dating, eating and everything in between...