I am going to simplify and generalize so we can understand a point that holds true for "most" men and women. Please understand, of course there are outliers. Men are looking for sex and find love. Women are looking for love and find sex. Somewhere in the middle of these two paradigms men and women join forces to have sex and be in love. In the following video I am going to walk you through How Men Fall In Love and unmask how two red flags may not be red flags.
Here is the video:
Here are the Two Red Flags:
1. Men Wanting Sex Is NOT A Red Flag - No, No, No! It isn't. Men wanting to have sex with you is a good thing. It is simply telling you that he has some level of attraction to you. It is not saying he wants to get married or even wants a relationship. It is simply telling you that he finds you pretty.
Now, how will you use this to your advantage?
If he is trying to have sex with you, tell him, "I am so flattered! However, I don't jump into bed until 1. I get to know you better and 2. we are in an exclusive relationship. Are you okay with that?" If he says yes, ask him a question about something you are interested in. Assuming he is able to get back to getting to know each other and continues to ask you on future dates you may be in good shape with this guy.
Bottom line, if a guy asks you out for 5 plus dates, over 97.5% of time he is interested in more than just sex. Men that are just looking for sex, WILL NOT SPEND THE TIME AND MONEY TO TAKE YOU OUT 6 TIMES. The guy who wants sex will find someone that takes less work.
If I told you that you could make 1 million dollars per year working one hour per week or working 40 hours per week, which would you do? Of course you would work one hour per week. Well, this analogy is no different. The guy wants less than 5 dates for sex as opposed to 6 dates or more for sex. However, if he realizes you are fantastic and worth getting to know better, well 6+ dates is worth the effort.
2. Men Asking You To Be Monogamous on Date 2 is NOT a Red Flag - As a dating coach, nothing drives me crazier when I hear a client complaining that a guy asked to be exclusive too early with her. My response is typically, "Are you nuts? I am so sorry that a man likes you so much that he wants to date you and nobody else. That sounds so terrible for you!"
Yes, I will validate that asking a woman to be exclusive on date 2 is way too early. Both parties barely know each other. However, if you boil it down, the man is saying, "Hey, I really like you and want to focus on just you. I want to get to know you better and don't need other women around to distract me." This is a huge compliment and should be taken as such.
However, since you barely know each other I would suggest being honest with him. Honestly tell him, "You are so sweet! I like you too. However, I don't feel like we truly know each other yet. How about we got on some more dates, continue to get to know each other and if you still feel the same way down the road we can re-visit this issue?"
Boom! How simple was that? Now, you can keep dating him and other men if you so choose. If both of you truly like each other after 5+ dates then both of you can revisit the exclusivity issue.
So I just re-read this and I am not entirely sure I answered the question at hand. How Do Men Fall In Love?
So let's fix that immediately. Each man is looking for 5 qualities that he finds important. Each man has different qualities he is interested in. On date one or two ask, "What qualities are you looking for in your next relationship?"
If he explicitly says he needs someone who loves to workout and you are huge cross fit person than that is a good sign. However, if he wants something you don't have, perhaps this question may save both of you the same time. On the flip side, hopefully you get to share with him what you want. I find this question does a few things. 1. It allows you to get past surface level questions and truly get to know each other and 2. It allows you to save time and figure out if the person is right for you. Most importantly sharing your top 5 and using this system allows you to evaluate potential partners on compatibility instead of muddying the water by using chemistry to pick your partner.
Chemistry is a wonderful thing, but it can also be the cause of keeping very incompatible people together. Fortunately, you are smart and know to find a man based on your perfect man list instead of chemistry.
Wondering how to build your perfect man list? GO HERE to learn. Spoiler alert. It is only two steps and takes under 15 minutes to create. Even though it is so easy to make, you will literally use this list all the time. After every single first date you will review your list to determine if the guy makes the cut for a 2nd date. What are you still reading for? Go Build your list with the directions from HERE.