I was watching the series Love is Blind on netflix today.
Here is the description of the show: "Singles try to find a match and fall in love -- without ever seeing each other face-to-face, as emotional connection attempts to conquer physical attraction."
One of the guys, 27 years old tells a woman something to the affect, "when we get married we will ...."
However, the love coach in me, was thinking. This guy is full of shit. He has said that to three women, he just says what he thinks women want to hear.
Fast forward, THE NEXT EVENING she asks him, "Do you still feel the same way about me?"
He said, "I don't know."
She was obviously upset because she thought they were going to get married and stormed out of the room. (Rightfully so!)
The reason I thought he was full of shit was because I could tell he didn't know who he was.
Assuming he didn't know who he was, how could he possibly have picked a woman?
So this guy, at this point was dating three women.
My first initial reaction was, this guy is a clown and a dick. I wish he would be honest with these women.
But then I thought a little deeper. He is being honest.
He doesn't know what he wants.
It is because he never got to know himself.
He never forced himself to be vulnerable with any of these women to see what happens. He didn't know if they would accept him.
He didn't know if by showing himself "emotionally naked" they would grow closer together or if his deepest secrets and stories would show they have different values.
So when it came for him to figure out, is this the person for me? He said, "I don't know."
And guess what, that was authentic.
Although great television, this is an example of a man that shouldn't be dating seriously at the moment. Let alone on a show where couples are expected to get married.
This guy needs to go figure out who he is.
Why do I understand this man so well?
I was this man. Maybe, I still am this man.
But, unlike this television character. I am vividly aware of this shortcoming.
For awhile now, I've been on a journey to experience, to share, and to explore.
So when I encounter my next possible life partner I can be 100% sure that she is it for me. Because, I am showing her my 100% authentic self.
No shell, no protective shield, and most importantly not a confused boy, but a man that has done a lot of self work. I will show up in authenticity with massive strength to be wildly comfortable sharing vulnerably when needed.
And, realizing if someone one accepts my flaws, wants, desires, then awesome we shall continue and if the person can't handle me or we are too different than we will be happy to part ways.
Why did I tell you this?
I am not really sure.
I just felt like sharing and thought maybe this would be entertaining.
Would you mind if I share more?
I asked a woman to marry me. At the time, I meant it with all my heart.
But, maybe I didn't know who I was then.
Maybe, that was just part of my journey.
Did we get married. No.
Did I break her heart and hurt a lot of people.
Am I an asshole? In some circles, maybe.
Did I hurt people on purpose?
I don't believe in breakups.
I believe in relationship graduations.
When you graduate a relationship, you get a "diploma" showing you spent x amount of years to learn a lot of things.
Well, I graduated. And you know what:
Every day, I am going to keep graduating. Because, I am never going to stop learning. I am never going to stop becoming a better man.
Because, in the past I've stood still, I've learned nothing. For me that is a waste of my life, a waste of my abilities.
So I am going to keep learning. I am going to keep sharing what I learn.
THANK YOU for allowing me to share my experiences. Thank you for allowing me to explore myself with an audience.
Every time, I write one of these emails it forces me to think critically about how I am really feeling.
It is one thing to think something. It is an entirely another thing to vomit those thoughts onto a page in a somewhat cohesive way that makes some sort of sense.
So thank you, for allowing me to vomit.
Listen, I am not sure where you are at right now.
Are you freaking out about Corona?
I hope not.
Focus on the things you can control. (Hand washing, social distancing, and CONTINUING TO MOVE TOWARDS YOUR GOALS!)
No wasting energy on something that we can't control.
I promise you, we will get past this. There will be some bumps, but we will move on triumphantly like a bunch of bad ass super heroes because that is what we do.
But until then, honor your feelings, spend your time wisely.
Come talk to me if you want a teammate in finding love. I am not letting this stop me. Don't let this stop you. Together we can do whatever we want! Including finding an amazing partner.
Book an introductory session here if you want to talk about paid coaching with me.
Otherwise and either way
I love you,
P.S. - It felt kind of weird plugging my business at the bottom of this email. Why am I feeling ashamed to ask people if they want help?
I think it is because writing these emails actually helps me. And then, getting clients, helps me. I just feel weird asking for HELP for me. (I prefer to provide than ask for).
But, maybe it is okay IF my emails help YOU, and IF my clients get helped. Maybe all these things can be win/win for everyone involved?
Hmmmm...I feel a bit better. How about you?
P.P.S - Facetime, skype, and Zoom dates are still 100% a GO!!!!!!!!! Who's going to be the first to fall in love virtually? Anyone competitive? Challenge accepted?