Many women find themselves relying too heavily on their partners for their happiness. In "Why Mars and Venus Collide", John Gray explains that 90% of a woman's happiness needs to come from herself and the remaining 10% should come from her partner. This is called "The 90/10 Rule". Think of it like this: Your life is your main course and your man is your dessert! Dessert is a part of your meal, some might even say it's one of the best parts, but you need your main course to nourish and sustain you.
Check out this video for more insights on this topic, straight from John Gray himself!
One of EZ Dating Coach, Mike's, friends recently reached out to him in a panic. She was worried that she was pushing her boyfriend away by being too clingy. She felt like she needed to be with him all day, every day. Her happiness completely depended upon him and she felt lost without him whenever they were apart. She feared that she was smothering him and making him crazy. She was also troubled by the thought that she couldn't be happy if he wasn't near. She had always considered herself to be a very independent, self-reliant woman. Why was she feeling this way? Why was she acting this way?
Mike explained to his friend that if all of your happiness completely relies upon your partner, it's only a matter of time before you cross the line into stage 5 clinger territory! If you think that the only way for you to be happy is for you to be with your man, of course you are going to hold on for dear life. This is a very common issue and it is very unhealthy for you or your relationship.
There needs to be space in a relationship for you both to grow. You will grow separately as people and you will grow together as a couple. You will feel fulfilled, not just in your relationship, but in your own life, too. It will also benefit you by allowing your independence and strength to shine. These attractive qualities will also strengthen your relationship with your man. Mike taught his friend the 90/10 Rule and things have been great with her and her relationship ever since!
So, how does the 90/10 Rule work? You need to find balance and happiness within yourself. Do things that make you happy. Spend time with friends or enjoy some time working on a project or hobby. You won't just strengthen your bonds with your friends, you will strengthen your knowledge of who you are and what you need.
Now that you know what you need, you have to listen to these needs. You have to take care of yourself and you have to treat yourself. Many people are afraid of being alone. Once you realize that being alone doesn't have to feel lonely, you will allow yourself to enjoy the peace that only alone time can bring. It gives you a chance to relax and decompress. Give the 90/10 Rule a try and learn to rely on yourself for the majority of your happiness. You will notice benefits all around!
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