It is a story as old as time. You are bombarded by messages from men that say "hi", "you are sexy", or something even less appealing. However, finally, after sifting through countless messages you encounter a guy that may be promising. You strike up some good back and forth banter, have a bunch in common and then suddenly out of nowhere he disappears off the face of the earth. It leaves you wondering, "Did I do something wrong?"
The answer is maybe. Let me explain.
But first, by the end of this article I want you to fully understand the online dating experience for a man looking for a serious relationship.
First, man takes a bunch of time to write a profile and select photos. Next, he scours the site for a woman that first catches his eye and even more difficult has a profile that shows their lives would mesh well. (Similar interests and no deal breakers)
Now, he either writes a charming message or simply writes "hi".
Why do men looking for a relationship say "hi?"
Men have to send a lot of messages online in order to get one response
Men are tired of writing what they perceive as well crafted messages in order to just be rejected by not receiving a response. Thus, some men may simply say "hi" in order to see if you are interested and after they get a "hi" in return they may write something a little more sophisticated.
Thus, my advice is to not judge men strictly on their message, but on their message and their profile. A strong, well written profile and/or high match %, should compensate for a weak message. (Profile Pictures should simply be used as he is not disgusting, any more time spent on photos is a waste!)
Back to the original topic, you finally got a guy roped into your spell and he disappears. Did you mess it up?
For the Sophia Vergaras of the world who get 20 messages a day and are drop dead gorgeous, they should make men jump through a few hoops in order to get a date. These men are interested in more than just her looks.
For the rest of us, the average people, it is okay to have some back and forth in order to build some comfort. However, if you notice a trend where guy after guy disappears, here is how you fix it. Get to an in person date much faster!
It is okay to say, "Thanks for the note. I am not a huge fan of chatting online, I prefer to see if there is some chemistry in person, let me know if you would like grab a coffee (or drink) sometime?"
Why is this so effective?
Most men hate chatting online, texting, and even speaking on the phone. Men want to be in person. Men want to see if they are attracted to you in person. Men want to see if they are wasting time or not.
Some of you are going to say, "You want me to ask a guy out?"
The answer is emphatically, "Yes!"
It doesn't matter who asks who out first. All that matters is that when you meet, you like each other. Now, if you go back and forth online for too long you jeopardize losing a guys interest.
Unless you are Sophia Vergara, get to the date ASAP, and figure out quickly if you would be willing to say "yes" to a 2nd date.
The more you play the game the guy wants to play instead of the game you want to play, the easier you are to date. The easier you are to date, the more excited a guy is to pursue you. Make it too hard and most men will give up.
Which leads me to your next rebuttal, "Shouldn't I be waiting for the guy who doesn't give up?"
The answer is yes, but if you make it too hard, you may be waiting a long time. Now, I am not asking you to bow to his ever need, but I am asking you, now that you know how he thinks, perhaps make his life a little easier. Remove a man's chance of rejection and he will be one happy man. A happy man is a man who is going to pursue you, cherish you, and make you feel special.