It is no secret that getting men to open up, show emotion, or talk about their feelings is basically the equivalent of getting the Red Sea to part. It is no easy task. For whatever reason, on average men use about 7,000 words per day while women use about 20,000. So based on this data point, it is clear on average men are less expressive than women. However, there is a way to get men to talk about their feelings. I wanted to outline that process for you today because nothing is sexier than a man who confidently expresses himself and is able to open up.
1. Make A Safe Place For Him To Be Himself
No men is ever going to tell you what he is feeling until he knows you 1. are not going to judge him and 2. are going to accept him for whatever he says. You do this by telling him you are okay with all the things other women were not huge fans of.
For example, if he plays video games once a week, or watches some strange program on television the best thing you can do is encourage him to do these things. After he finishes he will remember how awesome you are, and how different you are from every other woman and hopefully reward you with date nights or at least step up and attempt to make you equally happy.
Step 2. When Both Parties are Upset/Sad - Ask him to share why he is feeling a certain way?
Men hate conflict. Men want women happy all the time. However, that is impossible. Everyone has a down day. But, when you are mad, he wants you to be happy. Tell him, "If you can explain what you are feeling/thinking that will make me feel better." You are challenging him to open up but are giving him a reward at the end of the tunnel. All he needs to do is explain his inner workings and you will start to feel better. Now, once he explains himself do number three.
Step 3. Tell Him, "I feel so much better now and feel great understanding you better"
He is thinking, wow that was easy. I talked for a little bit and all of a sudden we are not arguing. My girlfriend/wife is happy again. That was simple (Men love solving problems). Which leads us to:
Step 4. Appreciate him for being so open, vulnerable and tell him:
"You made me so happy that you are comfortable enough to share your feelings." -
Once again, keep re-enforcing his good behavior. It is vital that he fully understands that in the future if he share his emotions he will 1. be accepted for them, 2. be able to alleviate fights, and 3. be appreciated for his amazing communication skills.
There you have it ladies. You are never going to turn your husband into the communicator your best girlfriend is but with the 4 step process outlined above you can certainly positively reinforce your man into expressing his feelings in a far superior manner than what he may currently be doing.
I am sure you have already figured this out from all my other articles but men and women are entirely different. Men require independence, appreciation, affirmation, and acceptance in a healthy relationship while women need support, validation, understanding, and attention/affection. While of course these adjectives are not all encompassing they are good start for what we require in amazing relationships. In this article and video I want to focus on how women can compliment men to get the best results. You will be shocked that the way men want to be complimented is the exact opposite of how women want to be complimented. Here is a video illustrating this exact point:
So How Do You Compliment Men?
1. Compliment The Activity He Planned: Declare your happiness to him.
If he plans a date to go to a park. Say, "This park is amazing, I am having the best time with you."
If he takes you to a restaurant. "This salmon is amazing, thank you so much for taking me here. We are also having such a great conversation, I love spending time with you."
When he pulls your chair out for you. "You are such a gentleman. Holding chairs is a lost art but clearly not for you. Thank you so much."
Compliments That Are Less Effective on Men
1. Complimenting His Physical Appearance
"I love that shirt on you, you look amazing."
"I love your new haircut, you are so handsome."
Men will say thank you and maybe even smile to the compliments above but they will find the most happiness from knowing that they are needed and then appreciated by you. They will feel needed when they pull out your chair, needed when they find you the best restaurant, or needed when they pick a great park to walk around in. On top of that, they will feel appreciated when you compliment them on their great selection. So ladies make your man feel like a million bucks and compliment the activity not the man.
Technology makes flirting safe, fun, and…efficient! The following 3 texts will make him chase you and remind you to be gentle with his heart and ego when he comes running.
Before we get to the 3 texts to make him chase you, a quick review of safe, fun and efficient.
Texts are safe for flirting because there’s little risk of physical harm.
Texts are fun for flirting because we’re able to access a bolder side of ourselves.
Texts are efficient for flirting because—hello—we don’t even need to get out of our PJs.
Let’s say a Goddess like you is in the dating stage and have gone on a couple dates with a guy but you’re unsure of your potential heartthrob’s feelings and you want to get to know him better before deciding if he deserves more of your time. First, you need to make him chase you.
Blame evolution or biology or society, but the reality remains: Men chase. Women choose.
Men value what they work for. Sure, we all do, but men value the effort and therefore the prize—you—more.
Texts To Make Him Chase You #1
“I’m mad at you! ;) You popped into my mind at work and I was so distracted I had to…”
Followed by… nothing! Dead air time, girl friend!
Why it works…
It starts with a tease, moves into an innuendo, and leaves off with wonder. You let him know he’s on your mind and subtly lead him to believe the thought might be naughty. Then you give him the opportunity to chase.
If he replies back right away, he’s interested or at least titillated and curious. If not, he might be uninterested, or just busy.
No matter when he replies, if he wants to know what you “had to do…” here’s your next move…
Texts To Make Him Chase You #2
Wait five minutes then reply with, “Hahaha! I’ll tell you in a bit. Busy right now. xo”
Why it works…
You let him know you’re laughing, then you stall him indefinitely, then let him know you’ve got a life and are in demand (“busy”), and finally finish with sweetness (“xo”).
You don’t want to drag this out too far or he’ll feel defeated and give up, so…
If he persists in wanting to know what you did after allowing thoughts of him to lead you to distraction, then give him a specific time in the near future that you’ll get back to him.
“I’ll text you after 6pm… xxx!” (Then make sure you do. No guy likes a flake.)
Then, sometime between 6:20-6:30pm, text him, “Hey, stranger!” It’ll throw him off and get the conversation rolling.
If he’s super curious or super into you, he’ll likely have already texted you first. Giving the 20 - 30 minutes past 6:00PM lets you find out. Then again, if he doesn’t text you first, he might be busy. Either way, use the same text, “Hey, stranger!”
Now, time to explain your “distracted actions at work” say something like—
“I had to go for a walk and get some fresh air! ;)” or
“I had to go talk with Tony, the gay guy with great hair! ;)”
Both of these deter the convo from going down the sexting path. Sexting is for a good time not necessarily a long time.
If he doesn’t persist in wanting to know more at this point, he’s either a crappy communicator, hates texting or quite possibly is not that into you. In which case, text this.
“ “ (In other words—nothing. Nada. Next. Move on. #efficiency)
Texts To Make Him Chase You #3
Let’s say you’re wondering about the crappy communicator guy, because you can’t help but like something about him—or some other guy who’s feelings you’re unsure of—try this one…
“Hey Sexy! I’m with some friends at X place, you should come!”
Why it works…
You open with a sexually validating compliment—note: never call a man “cute”—then intrigue him by having a life and friends, then honor him by inviting him to said full life. Bonus: The assumption of “you should come” instead of “do you want to join us” shows confidence.
If he’s interested he’ll either show up or try to make alternate plans in the near future. If he’s not interested, he likely won’t join you and won’t try to make plans.
3 Texts To Make Him Chase You Recap
You’re doing a guy a favor by setting up the chase, because men want to chase.
Men value what they work for.
Be fun, be safe, be flirty—winks, “xo’s” and subtle innuendos work wonders.
Enticing texts give a man who’s on the fence incentive to chase, but…
If he isn’t into you, he isn’t right for you! Next.
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About Your Author
Anna Jorgensen is a dating coach in Vancouver, Canada and founder of Wingmam.com. Anna offers online programs on how to understand the opposite sex, get sexy and find love while being authentically you.