I remember in the early stages of my relationship with Kelly (my GF) we would go on long weekend trips away and have the most magical time ever. We would de-stress from work, have cocktails, go out to nice dinners, and just enjoy each other's company. However, we would come back on Monday and head to work.
I would go straight to full on work mode and totally focus on work. I wouldn't message her, call her, or really do anything because I was so focused on work.
If she didn't hear from me for a day or two it would drive her bonkers. She would be thinking, "WTF! We just had this magical weekend together, got so close to each other, and now that we are back into town Mike goes MIA. Why do men do this!!!!!???"
Well, I made a video that explains why and also what to do to get your manto come back. Check it out here:
So let's finish the discussion about Kelly and I. Should Kelly just accept that I don't talk to her or should I realize that Kelly wants to hear from me and start making the effort?
Well the answer is simple. Kelly and I needed to sit down and discuss each other needs. We also needed to be really curious about each other. For example, "Kelly, why do you want to hear from me?" "Well Mike, I felt like we just had the best time together and I really opened up to you and showed you my heart. However, when we come home and I don't hear from you, I wonder if 1. maybe you didn't have as good a time as me or you are starting to have 2nd thoughts about our relationship?"
In response, of course I would say, "I love our relationship and had the best time ever, thank you for sharing why you want to hear from me. I absolutely don't want you to feel that way and we will have to come up with a game plan for the future."
Next, it is Kelly's job to get curious with me. "Mike, I love how focused you are with work and really admire what you do. How come after a long weekend together I don't hear from you?"
My response. "I am sorry about that. I am a wildly singularly focused person. When I am with you, I am with you. When I am at work, I am working. When I get wrapped up in work, I guess it slips my mind to reach out to you."
In response, Kelly could say, "That makes total sense and I certainly don't want to bother you while working. However, you would make me feel so special if during a break you would shoot me a quick text or phone call to say hello."
Wowzers, how cool of a conversation was that? It came from a genuinely curious place and lead to both parties learning more about the partner. Instead of an escalated conversation where I could have said, "Ugh, I am working. Would you just leave me alone. I just spend 72 straight hours with you! Give me a break."
Or she could have said, "Mike, you never call me. I feel like all you care about is work. I wish you cared about me as much as you cared about work."
So what did we learn from all this?
GET CURIOUS! Any fight or argument is not really a fight. It is an opportunity to 1. learn how to express yourself better 2. a chance to learn more about your partner.
When you come from a place of curiosity and love, you and your partner will be able to find solutions that will be mindful of what both parties want.
Go have fun! When he comes back, don't give him shit. Instead say, "I am so happy to see you, get your but over here and give me a kiss." If you do this, he will be excited to come back to you and next time he needs space he will feel safe to come back and may also come back quicker knowing you will be receptive to see him.
Well, welcome into Kelly and I's relationship. I really got personal in this article, huh? Hope the advice helped because if Kelly finds this article I may get "the look." HaHa