You met someone who you really feel like you can develop a connection with.
Maybe you even went on a few dates.
Both of you seem interested, texting back and forth for days.
And then, suddenly...
It’s something everyone dreads, but which is experienced all too often.
Ghosting is defined as the cessation of all communication suddenly and without explanation.
For most, it is devastating and downright rude.
So what should you do if it happens to you?
Here are my thoughts...
Why It Is Done
First, it is important to understand the psychology behind ghosting.
The action of ghosting is definitely not new, but the methods and the ease with which people can get away with it is.
Because we are so reliant on our technology for dating and relationship building it’s often difficult to gauge how someone really feels.
After all, text doesn’t generally express tone.
Often times, people use impersonal technological methods to figure out how they feel about an individual. Equally common is the person realizing they are no longer interested after a brief period.
In an effort to avoid their own emotional discomfort, they simply break away without the courtesy of letting you know.
The worst part is, most people have done it at some point, creating a culture where it is taboo and somehow acceptable all at once.
But Ghosting is not acceptable and those who regularly do it probably aren’t ready to be in a relationship.
What You Should Do
That is not to say that there is nothing you can do.
Quite the contrary.
There are many steps you can take not only to make sure the other party is ghosting you, but also to potentially elicit a response.
Here are six tips you should follow. No cheating!
1. Make sure you’re actually being ghosted.
Sometimes people just don’t have the time to send messages.
Perhaps they mentioned a hectic schedule ahead or even a planned vacation.
Don’t jump to conclusions about someone’s intentions before you confirm them.
2. Don’t freak out.
False accusations of ghosting can be instant relationship killers.
No matter how it may appear, there are often simple answers for seemingly strange behaviors.
One thing I highly recommend:
Try to avoid checking out their social media and doing other things that would be deemed “stalkery behavior.”
There is no reason to add fuel to the flames, especially if you’re still unsure.
3. Reach out in a calm and lighthearted way.
If you haven’t heard from someone in a while, the best way to initiate is playfully.
Being abrasive and harsh is never a good idea, especially if it turns out you’re not actually being ignored.
Start out by saying something like “Hey, long time no speak!” or something similar that won’t be taken out of context.
This indicates that you are aware that the other party is being distant, but you’re not worried about it or pressuring them.
4. Stop texting.
After reaching out once, you can try one more polite text.
If you don’t get a response, STOP.
Text bombing is a great way to show someone that you are needy and insecure. And nobody finds that attractive.
At this point, it’s a waiting game.
The other person will either respond and explain themselves… Or they won’t.
5. Don’t call.
After texting twice, you may be tempted to try something more dramatic.
Aside from the fact that if their phone is working, they definitely got your messages, calling is just another way to demonstrate your inability to cope with what is happening.
But more on that later.
6. Don’t speak to their friends.
If you have some friends in common, don’t pursue an answer from them.
Relationships are personal things and getting others involved is usually not a good idea. Especially in this situation.
The one situation where I would recommend asking is if they bring it up.
If someone asks you how a relationship is going, you can nonchalantly ask if they know something.
Getting Over It
If you find that you have, indeed, been ghosted, it is critical that you be proactive about getting over it.
The first thing to keep in mind is that you did not do anything wrong.
Sometimes we fall into the trap of believing that it was our actions that caused someone to behave a certain way.
This is not the case and people are always responsible for the choices they make and the actions they take.
If you were being true to yourself in your conversations, it probably just means that they weren’t for you.
Once you come to that realization you can start moving on.
Go on some dates, do fun things, hang out with friends… It really doesn’t matter how you fill your time, as long as you are doing positive things.
If you want to post pictures on social channels that the other person is bound to see, go for it!
There is no use letting someone else control your emotions.
At least not publicly. :)
About the Author
Pauline Plott is a London-based blogger who became a dating guru after learning the psychology behind modern romance and signing up for every dating website in pursuit of relationship bliss. She shares her reviews and opinions on www.DatingSpot.co.uk.